On Fire and Ice
by capercailiechild
Summary: Our favorite heroes have a job on a cold world. Throw in some new passengers and some inept psychics, plus Simon's old girlfriend, and you have this epic. Reviews are like candy, I like them, and I'd like a lot more of them.
1. Read Me First!

On Fire and Ice

"_They say never hit a man with a closed fist, but it is on occasion hilarious." – Mal_

Disclaimer, Acknowledgments, Dedication, and Full-Length Summary

"_Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing." – Zoë_

Disclaimer

I don't own the lovely and beautiful characters of the "Firefly" (and now "Serenity") verse. A wonderful man named Joss does. (We all know and love Joss. Yay Joss! You're the man!) Any characters you don't recognize (namely Emilia Sage, Carole Trickey, Kathryn "Kate" and Nona Sugarwhite, Mother Mary and their respective posse parcels) belong to me. You may borrow them, but only if you ask _really_ nicely.

This story is set after the Big Damn Movie, with one caveat: _Wash didn't die_. I like Wash and he doesn't deserve to be dead in my story. So, he's not! Yay! (Shepherd Book? He's still dead.)

Acknowledgments

I would like to first thank Holly M for taking me to see "Serenity" in the first place and thereby starting my love affair with the "Firefly" 'verse, even if we did get lost. I politely decline from thanking the complicated bus system that took me to see "Serenity" the second time, mostly because I missed my connecting bus home.

I would also like to acknowledge the fact that Vikki (who is referred to as Emilia Sage in these epics) came up with the biggest part of this plot. Thank you very much.

Thank you to Ducky for coming up with a back-story for one of my most beloved "extra" characters and finally giving her a home. I can't thank Joey because he doesn't know I made a character for him, and if he found out, he'd probably smack me.

The title of the story was borrowed from the theme song to the old Disney show "So Weird": _This girl's walked on fire and ice_.

There is no cult known as the Followers of the Second Coming. The clothing descriptions are borrowed from a cobbled-together scrapbook of Amish and Mennonite clothes.

Simon knows all the medical stuff, so I leave that to him.

I do not mean to portray psychics in a negative light. I have great respect for them.

Dedication

I dedicate this story to Brian and the memory of Jim, for different reasons.

Full-Length Plot Summary

An old friend contacts Mal with a request – he needs something stolen and he's willing to pay. Big. The only catch? Well, there's more than one (aren't there always?). The object in question is in uncharted territory, in Snozlund, where Mal and crew have never been (for good reason, it's far, _far_ away, and cold). And what's more, someone else, a brand-new baddy (a medium), wants this something, and she, like Mal, will stop at nothing to get it. To add onto the fun, three new passengers have boarded _Serenity_, and some allies from a previous epic have showed up to join in the fun. Throw in some pagan worship at shrines that have a tendency to explode, snow angels, the biggest Christmas shindig you've ever seen, a lengthy discourse about spoons, and a case of mistaken identity, and you've got this epic. (Whew! Think I can pull it off?)


	2. The Secret Life of Ribbon Worms

Chapter 1: The Secret Life of Ribbon Worms

Soundtrack suggestions: "Love Will Keep Us Together" – Captain & Tennille, "Work" – Jimmy Eat World

* * *

"Ribbon worms eat themselves if they can't find food."

"That's disgustin', River. Ain't natural." Kaylee considered the spoon of oatmeal she held in her hand; on second thought, she dropped it back into the bowl.

"Just saying."

"Don't _need_ t' say. You wanna have real conversations with people, ya haveta say _nice_ stuff."

River thought for a moment, her eyes on the ceiling. Before she could speak again, Jayne came barging in. "Where's Mal?" he demanded. "There's a wave fer him."

"Last I knew, he was with 'Nara," Kaylee answered.

"Jayne gets to be loud and brash and rude," River pointed out. "On the other hand, not proper for girls to be mean, except to other girls. Must be docile to men if ever to get a mate, bat their eyelashes shyly, giggle like idiots."

"What you talkin' 'bout, Crazy? You sayin' I'm rude?"

"Just saying."

Mal came into the mess hall. "Who's rude?"

"Jayne has a tendency to be loud and brash and rude," River informed him, nodding.

"There's… uh… a wave fer ya," Jayne said to Mal.

"Who from?"

"Some guy who looks like Santa."

"Santa?" River asked, suddenly excited. "Santa brings goodness! Drop, drop, down the chimney and shiny everywhere!"

"It's my buddy Eddy," Mal said.

"Y' know what's funny? That ya have a friend that looks so much like Santa that y' immediately know who he is," Kaylee said.

"Eddy _Watson?_ 'Snakebite Cider' Watson? The one who double-crossed us on Osiris six years ago, _that_ Eddy? Y' still _talk_ t' him?" Jayne demanded angrily.

"He's probably got a job for us," Mal continued, ignoring Jayne. "Best go talk t' him. Where's Zoë?"

"Presents," River replied, though probably not in response to Mal's question. "Paper everywhere, all spangle-y and too much sticky-tack. Keeping secrets is a bad practice if you want to make friends, they told me so."

"You wanna translate?" Mal asked hopefully, looking at Kaylee. The mechanic shrugged. "I have no idea. Last I saw her, she was with Wash on the bridge."

"Good." Mal headed into the bridge. "Wash? I heard there's a wave."

"That there is, from our good buddy Eddy Watson. Lemme bring it up fer ya." Wash hit a few buttons and the jolly face of Edward "Snakebite Cider" Watson appeared on the screen. Eddy was maybe fifty-five, with small round spectacles balanced on his nose and a long white beard. His bright blue eyes were bright with excitement. Mal could see that he was standing and there was a baby in a green velvet dress on his hip.

"Hey, Mal! Long time no see!" Eddy exclaimed, giving Mal a broad smile.

"Ol' Snakebite Cider… haven't given up the life of crime, have ya?"

"Naw, but don't tell m' wife."

"Is that yer wee 'un?"

"No, fer shame, Mal! I'm glad ya think I'm so robust 'n fertile, but no! This 'un belongs t' my daughter."

"Yer a granddad?" Mal asked with a smirk.

"Say hi, Isabelle," Eddy said, waving the little girl's hand at Mal. "How's life treatin' ya in the black?"

"Well as can be expected, I a' spose," Mal answered. "It'll be better if'n ya got a job fer us."

"Then I'm here t' make yer day," Eddy said. "I've got a great job, and my client's willin' t' pay much more 'n it's worth."

"Those are my favorite kinds of clients," Mal agreed. "What's the job?"

"Y' ever been t' Snozlund?" Eddy questioned.

"I've heard stories about Snozlund," Mal replied cautiously. "All that ice 'n snow never seemed much use t' me, plus those mammoths scare the stuffin' outa me. This job, it's in Snozlund?"

"Yer a right mind reader," Eddy said with a laugh. "It's most definitely in Snozlund. I need ya – well, my _client_ needs ya – t' steal the Rockport Bones."

"Whoa now," Mal said. "We're stealin' _bones?"_

"Not just _any_ bones," Eddy said as though Mal should have known. "These bones are part of an artifact honoring the first woolly mammoths to be replicated by the Alliance, named after the scientist who was credited with first replicating it – Ernst Rockport."

"What does yer client want with them? He's plannin' t' maybe… well, what _would_ ya do with old bones?"

"I'd build a sculpture," Wash piped cheerily. Mal had forgotten he was there. "Maybe a cabinet or two, store sweaters in them."

"_She_ has a use fer them," Eddy assured Mal. "So, are ya up t' it or not?"

"Well, o' course I'm _up_ t' it. But this had better be some good payoff… it's _cold_ in Snozlund!"

"Believe me, the payoff will be worth it," Eddy said. "Y' have that on m' honor."

"Yer honor's worth about as much as what I find in m' boots the end of the day," Mal informed him dryly.

"Would Santa lie t' ya?"


	3. Tacky Costume Jewelry

Chapter Two: Tacky Costume Jewelry

Soundtrack suggestions: anything by Jewel, "Pretty Girl (The Way) – Sugarcult

* * *

"River, what are you doin'?" Zoë demanded. The girl looked up, caught with her hand in one of the drawers in the infirmary.

"Looking for answers," she replied slowly.

"Where's Simon? Does he know what you're doing?"

"Eating. Or with Kaylee. Either is probable."

"What do you have in your hand?" Zoë asked cautiously, praying it wasn't a wrench or other tool that could be used to cause concussions, not that Simon generally kept concussion-causing instruments in his drawers.

"Nothing." She looked hurriedly away from Zoë.

Mal appeared behind Zoë. "Zoë, good news! We've got a job from Eddy Watson."

"Old Snakebite Cider, that Eddy Watson? The one that double-crossed us on Osiris and left us to die?"

"Well… we _didn't_, did we?" Mal said testily. "We're goin' to Snozlund."

"Snozlund. Cold," River said. "Snow everywhere. Good for snowmen, snow angels, snowball fights, ice skating, sleigh rides…"

"This is beginnin' t' look like a Currier 'n Ives picture, if you just throw in some hot chocolate and stories 'round the fireplace," Mal said dryly.

"What's the job, sir?" Zoë questioned.

"Theft. Of the Rockport Bones."

"_The_ Rockport Bones?"

"Is there more 'n one?"

"Well, no, I'm just surprised Eddy Watson's goin' t' send _us_ in t' steal the Rockport Bones, since they're one of the most highly guarded things… anywhere."

"Then there's no surprise Eddy called us, is there? He knows we're th' best fer high-profile jobs."

"Since when?"

"Since… ever," Mal replied. "If I was ya, I'd be gettin' out m' cold weather gear. We'll be in Snozlund by the end o' the week. We've just got one stop t' make, payin' passengers headin' straight fer Snozlund, we're pickin' 'em up at Seven Skyes."

"Yes, sir," Zoë said, shaking her head. "I just hope when we're caught by the Alliance, y' have a _really_ good explanation fer why we were stealin' the Rockport Bones. 'Oh, Mr. Alliance member, we were stealin' the Bones fer Santa.'"

"That isn't a good enough explanation fer ya?"

"Only if I was in the mood for a quick but painful execution." On that happy note, she left the infirmary.

Mal turned to look at River, who was staring at him, her head tilted, both of her hands clenched into fists as though she was holding onto something tightly. "What are ya thinkin', little butterfly?"

She didn't answer for a minute. Then she said, "Not so much butterfly as spider. Can't fly anymore, least not now. Scuttles like one, black widow across so much floor, hides from the noise. You're bringing trouble on."

"Trouble? Trouble with the passengers, or with Eddy's job?"

"Trouble is everywhere, and comes like an opera cape in the night."

"Could ya be a little more specific?" Mal asked, a little confused by the opera cape metaphor.

She considered that, tilted her head the other way. "We're going running again. Everybody knows more than they're telling."

Simon brushed past Mal into the infirmary. "Something wrong, captain?"

"Not yet," River answered for Mal. "Too much treasure to crash."

"What are you talking about?" Simon asked his sister. She grinned at him. "Treasure in my hands." Then suddenly she looked confused, and said, "Explosion."

The second the word left her lips, she fell backward onto the floor as though shoved by unseen hands. Mal looked at Simon and was about to ask a question, but he never got the chance.

The ship suddenly jerked to the left and began to fall. River started to giggle, her eyes closed, a look of rapt ecstasy on her face; as though the ship's strange movements were for her enjoyment. Simon's knees buckled and he found himself crouched on the floor next to his sister. Mal had had the sense to grab onto the doorframe. "Wash!" he yelled in the direction of the bridge. "What in th' hell's goin' on?"

"Sorry, Cap'n my Cap'n!" they heard Wash yell back faintly. "Got a mite o' trouble headin' in t' Seven Skyes!"

"Is it gonna be _over_ soon?" Mal demanded.

"That it will, Cap'n my Cap'n, Kaylee assured me so!"

There was one final pull to the left and they felt the ship stabilize, then Wash's voice said calmly, "We're entering atmo of Seven Skyes and should be docking within twenty minutes."

Mal let go of the doorframe as Jayne came storming by. "Ruttin' hell, he could a' killed us all!" the brute exclaimed. He headed for the bridge, and Mal went to the engine room to see what had malfunctioned.

"But he didn't," River said calmly, still lying on the floor, staring up at the bright ceiling lights.

"Get off the floor, mei-mei," Simon said, and offered her his hand so she could get up. She looked at him, puzzled. "Get up, no sense lying on the floor now that the trouble's over."

She reached to take his hand, and her fists fell open. A handful of shiny things dropped to the floor. "Treasure," River said, nodding at Simon as though to convince him of this fact.

Simon picked up what had fallen; it was a bright handful of gold and silver and beauty every color of the rainbow. "River, where did you get this?" he asked, knowing full well none of it was hers. There was a locket, a tarnishing gold heart with a flowery pattern scrolled on the front, attached to a golden chain; two silver bangle bracelets with delicate engraving on them, words of some foreign language Simon couldn't read; a bright brooch shaped like a flower with red enamel petals and green enamel leaves; a necklace of brightly colored glass beads that resembled small hard candies; a silver piece almost like a large bullet shaped like a scarab beetle, which was strung on a leather lace; a thick multi-colored enamel bracelet with embedded red and pink stones; a gaudy necklace of five-petal purple flowers with bright stones in their center; an oval pin with a kerchief-wearing woman's head on it; a pendant, a twisted knot of gold, on a chain of slinky silver; a handful of rings, some with stones, some without, some silver, some gold.

"Treasure," River repeated. "On a treasure hunt."

"River, these things aren't yours. Where did you get them?"

She just stared at him. He set the jewelry on the counter behind him. "River, stealing is wrong. You know that. You can't take what isn't yours."

"Not a thief," she replied.

"Who gave these things to you?"

"They fell from the sky."

"River. These things aren't yours. Where did you get them?"

"They fell from the sky."

"Are they Inara's?" The Companion was the only one Simon could think of would have any kind of jewelry on the ship, but this jewelry was exceedingly tacky and probably not of her style. "Did you take them from Inara?"

"No."

"Show me where you found them."

He picked up the jewelry and she led him out of the infirmary and to her bunk. On the blanket was a small wooden box with an inlaid top. It was just big enough to hold the jewelry in Simon's hands. Next to the box was a packaging envelope, thick with cellophane and plastic tape. The envelope was addressed to River, care of _Serenity_, in a spidery scrawl. "Who is this from?" Simon asked. She handed him a piece of yellowing, crackly paper and he read the accompanying message, half-expecting it to crumble into dust in his hands. It was undated.

_Dear River, I was on Magellan two weeks ago for a Shepherds' meeting. I saw these things in the bazaar there and thought you might like them. Remember to have faith. Proverbs 3:3. Shepherd Book_.

"The Shepherd sent you these things?" Simon asked his sister. She shrugged. "River, the Shepherd is dead," he said gently. "You know that. How could he have sent you jewelry?"

"Mail service is slow. Magellan is out of the way. Only four thousand people. An optimal place for Shepherds' meetings, as the economy is fueled mostly by tourism." She considered that. "Not that Shepherds are tourists."

"River… this jewelry is junk, costume jewelry, worthless trinkets. Why would the Shepherd send you junk jewelry?"

"Not junk!" she exclaimed, grabbing the gold, silver, and beads away from him. "Pretty. Treasure. Mine."

"It's junk," he repeated as Jayne stuck his head into the bunk.

"Jest wanted t' let ya know we've landed," Jayne said. "Seven Skyes. We're pickin' up passengers. Y' wanna get off 'n have a look round?"

"Sure. Sure thing, Jayne. We'll be right there," Simon said. The mercenary disappeared and Simon turned his attention back to his sister. "Put that stuff away."

"Jewelry is for to be worn."

"Not this. Put it away."

"'Nara wears jewelry."

"That's part of her job."

"What's my job?"

"Your job? To be good and to listen to me. But also, not to wear jewelry. You wouldn't want to lose it, now would you? It's not nice to lose other people's gifts."

Sighing, she dumped the handful of trinkets into the inlaid box and slid the lid shut. "Seven Skyes. Population forty-four thousand, eight hundred and seventy-six. Chief exports: ivory, indigo, sugar, gold bullion. Home of the Followers of the Second Coming, current population five hundred and ninety, and George Ann University, student population eight thousand, nine hundred and five."

"Who exports gold bullion? Where would they export it to?" Simon asked, momentarily confused.

She shrugged. "Don't know. Just says so in the book."

"_What_ book?"

"Don't have it anymore."

Simon could understand that; all of her books had remained at the Tam estate, and she had made no move to purchase any to take their place since coming aboard _Serenity. _They exited the ship. Mal and Zoë were standing by the open hatch with Kaylee; the mechanic was covered in grease and looked a little singed, but no more so than usual. "Wasn't nothin' but the G-17 couplin', Cap'n. Shouldn't take more 'n an hour t' fix, tops, specially since we've got a spare."

"Good," Mal said tightly. "I don't want t' be here any longer than we have to. The job's waitin' fer us in Snozlund."

"The passengers, sir, what do they look like?" Zoë asked.

"I only saw the one on the wave," Mal replied. "She was young, golden hair done up tightly, proper accent, the whole bit. She said she had a younger sister and a guardian, whatever that is. I just hope she's on time."

"What time were you expectin' her, sir?"

"Anywheres from now on. She said her name was…"

"Kathryn Sugarwhite," a crisply accented voice interrupted Mal. Mal, Zoë, Kaylee, and Simon turned to look in the direction of the voice. A twenty-ish woman with light blond hair pulled back into a severe bun was standing before them. She was pale with very pink cheeks and pink lips, very slender, dressed in a green tweed suit with an A-line skirt and mother-of-pearl buttons on the jacket. Her shoes were shiny black leather with pointed toes. There was a small brooch attached to the neck of her cream blouse; it was a cameo, a woman's profile done in white on a green stone, the whole thing surrounded with a curlicue of silver. In her ears were tiny diamond studs, sensible ear-bobs for a woman like her. She offered her hand to Mal; her nails were perfect pale pink ovals. "But please, call me Kate. You must be Captain Malcolm Reynolds."

"Uh… yes. That's me," Mal answered, taking her hand and shaking it a little confusedly. "And this here's Zoë, m' first mate, Kaylee, the mechanic, that's Simon the doctor there, and his sister, River."

"Pleased to meet you all," Kate said. "I'm afraid Mother Mary and Noelle and the luggage are a few steps behind me. Mother Mary stopped to show Noelle some flowers in a public garden."

"Mother Mary? A nun? Yer bringin' a nun on my ship?" Mal asked.

"Her real name is Marion Bathgate, but I suppose only her husband ever called her Marion. She's a Follower of the Second Coming," Kate explained. "She goes by Mother Mary; we've never known her by anything different. She's been with our family since before I was born. She's a right darling, if a trifle dotty."

"Who's Noelle?" Zoë asked.

"Noelle is my younger sister. She's thirteen," Kate answered promptly. "We often call her Nona. She's a sweetheart. I should tell you now, though, she doesn't talk and she can't walk, so there's no way she can do any pulling of her weight on the ship. Mother Mary and I will do what's necessary for her."

"That's… that's fine," Mal managed to say. "Doc, why don't ya take Kate t' her quarters?"

"If you don't mind, I'd rather wait for Mother Mary and Noelle and of course the luggage," Kate hurried to say before Simon could move.

"No, I suppose that'll be fine. We've got some business t' attend t' here," Mal said to Simon. "We'll be back in a bit. You see t' it that they've got whatever they need."

Simon nodded, and Mal and Zoë walked off into the depths of the marketplace. Kaylee disappeared back into the ship, presumably to have her way with the G-17 coupling. River said, "A little bird is coming."

"A bird?" Kate asked. "You take on animals as well as people for passengers?"

"She probably doesn't mean a bird," Simon answered truthfully. "River… she doesn't often say things other people can understand."

"Oh. How unfortunate," Kate said. "Is there… anything to be done for her?"

Simon shrugged. "Some days are better than others."

"It's the same way with my Nona," Kate said. "Some days I think she can understand everything I say, and others…"

"Gracious me, is this the best ship you could find?" a voice demanded from behind Kate. The blond woman turned, Simon following her line of sight. An older woman, probably in her late fifties or early sixties, was standing there with her hands on her hips. Her face was doughy and plain with an honest look to it. Her hair was graying, pulled up tightly, and covered with a bonnet made of thick black organdy. She wore a light blue dress with a high collar, a sleeveless blue flower-printed apron over it. Her shoes were thick-soled and black with heavy laces tied into neat bows. At the middle of her collar, in the same place Kate had a cameo brooch, this woman had a round silver pin with an eight-pointed star engraved on it. She wore no other visible jewelry. "Seems like a heap of nothing, if you ask me."

"Mother Mary," Kate said quickly, before the older woman could defame _Serenity_ any further, "this is Simon. He's… the doctor?"

"Yes ma'am. Simon Tam, doctor for _Serenity_," Simon hurried to say.

"Finest ship in the 'verse," River murmured.

"Still a piece a' junk if you ask me," Mother Mary stated staunchly.

"How were the flowers?" Kate asked, trying to head off what she could probably sense was going to turn into a confrontation.

"They were right pretty," Mother Mary had to admit. "Nona sure did like 'em, didn't ya, Nonny?"

Mother Mary turned slightly and Simon could see for the first time the little girl in the wheelchair behind her. The girl was tiny for thirteen. She had tiny gold rings in her ears, and dark hair that looked very soft. She wore indigo pants and a light blue shirt. Her head was tilted to the side, and she had an odd, earnest expression in her dark eyes. It unsettled Simon a little; it appeared as though she was staring right into his soul. Her arms were bent towards her body, and she was wringing her hands. "Bird!" River exclaimed, her eyes going wide. "Simon, look at the bird. Look how pretty she is."

"Mei-mei, that's Kate's sister. Her name is Nona. You have to be gentle with her, all right?"

"Nona is a bird," River replied. "Like a little bluebird, except without flying or singing. The bird girl is my friend."

"Aren't ya a sweetheart!" Mother Mary exclaimed. "Nona will be right proud t' be yer friend, won't you, Nonny?"

The little girl didn't respond. River took two steps towards her, as though frightened of the girl. She looked back at Simon, who shrugged. Then a slow smile spread across her face, and she addressed the girl directly. "Nona, we can go on a treasure hunt! You can be my best friend."

Jayne appeared from the crowd, parting it like Moses at the Red Sea. Following him was a man, obviously a native of Seven Skyes, dressed in baggy dark blue pants, a light blue work-shirt the shade of Mother Mary's, and a straw hat, as well as a star pin attached to his collar. The man was pushing a two-wheeled cart filled with various luggage-y items. "This feller says he's got cargo bound fer _Serenity_," Jayne said. "Didn't know we was pickin' up any strays."

"That's Brother Paul," Kate hastened to explain. "He's not coming with us."

"Heavens no, he ain't comin' with us!" Mother Mary exclaimed. "Brother Paul's got a wife and five kids t' answer t'. There'd be no room for 'em on this fantastic voyage."

"Couldn't pay me t' get on a Firefly anyhow," Brother Paul related from below his straw hat, a wide grin tacked onto his lined face. "Jest deliverin' the luggage as a favor t' Mother Mary."

"Owed me one," Mother Mary muttered.

"We's takin' them with us?" Jayne asked, looking from the properly dressed Kate to the wheelchair-bound Noelle to Mother Mary, who obviously confused him. "They's goin' to Snozlund? What're they gonna do there?""

"The captain said they were going with us," Simon said, at a loss for any other answers.

Jayne looked at Simon, puzzled. Simon shrugged.

"Well then, best get this cargo loaded a'fore he 'n Zoë get back," Jayne said, his voice one of acceptance. "I'll help Brother Paul here."

Brother Paul wheeled the cart into _Serenity's_ cargo hold and he and Jayne began unloading the luggage Kate, Noelle, and Mother Mary had brought with them.

Before long, Mal and Zoë reappeared out of the crowd. Mal was carrying a large crate. He seemed surprised to find Simon, Kate, and Mother Mary still standing outside the ship. River was standing next to Noelle and was chattering away. The younger girl was looking up at her with either confusion or rapt attention in her eyes.

"What're y'all waitin' fer?" Mal demanded, dumping the crate unceremoniously into the hold. "I thought we was outa here."

Kaylee appeared before any of them could say anything. "Everythin's right shiny, Cap'n! I fixed the couplin' and we're good t' go."

"Has Wash come back yet?" Zoë asked Simon.

"I didn't know he got off," Simon answered truthfully.

"Hey, wait fer me!" someone yelled out of the crowd, and Wash appeared, hurrying towards them, carrying two large brown paper parcels, one under each arm.

"We can't leave without ya, honey," Zoë informed him with a smile. "You _are_ the pilot."

"Oh. Right."

"What's that?" Mal asked.

"What's what?"

"You seem t' be holdin' two packages, or are those figments o' my imagination?"

"Oh, those? It's nothin'. These our passengers?"

"Kathryn Sugarwhite. Kate," Kate said, offering him her hand. He stared at it, then quickly shifted his packages and shook it. "Pleased t' meet ya. Wash. The pilot o' this heap."

"I hope yer a good one," Mother Mary said, "otherwise we'll all go down in flames."

"That's Mother Mary," Kate introduced the older woman. "And that's my sister Nona."

"Pleased t' meet ya all," Wash said. "I best be gettin' aboard, gettin' ready fer takeoff."

"A good idea if I ever heard one," Mal said. "Let's go." He and Zoë followed Wash into the ship.

Mother Mary strode right onto the ship, moving right past Kaylee and Simon, who watched the older woman open-mouthed. Kate turned back to look at Noelle, but River was already pushing her chair aboard. "The bird girl is my responsibility now," River informed Kate, who looked a little confused. "Spider girl takes good care of things." She pushed Noelle past Kate and onto the ship.

Kate turned to look at Simon. "Is she… to be trusted?"

Simon shrugged. "If River thinks Nona is her friend, I don't think there's anything she won't do to protect her."

"River's a right sweetheart," Kaylee added. "She takes good care o' things trusted t' her." To Simon, she murmured, "Not that we trust her with things…"

Kate was still looking at both of them. Simon hurried to say, "Noelle is in good hands, Kate. I wouldn't worry."

Once all of the luggage had been loaded and Brother Paul and his cart were back in the security of Seven Skyes' marketplace, Jayne closed up the hatch, and _Serenity_ was on its way for Snozlund.


	4. The Dinner Inquisition

Chapter Three: The Dinner Inquisition

Soundtrack suggestions: "Grapefruit Diet" – Weird Al, "Where Are We Runnin'?" – Lenny Kravitz

* * *

They met in the mess hall for dinner at what passed for dinner time; it was Simon's night to cook. He had made scrambled protein with reconstituted vegetables and a side of bread, lightly toasted with some sort of thinly sliced cheese melted on top. Kate had produced a sack of freshly-picked apples from one of her crates and they made a lovely addition to the meal.

"You've never been to Snozlund, Captain Reynolds?" Kate inquired politely.

Mal, a forkful of scrambled goodness halfway to his mouth, paused. "No, can't rightly say that I have. Always seemed too cold t' me."

"It's really quite lovely," Kate said. "We were there… how long ago was it, Mother Mary? At least seven years."

Mother Mary nodded solemnly, her mouth full; she was a woman of religion and moral and knew better than to talk with her mouth full. Once she had swallowed, she said, "It's quite lovely if ya go at th' right time."

"We'll be gettin' there right at Christmas!" Kaylee exclaimed. "Bet it's all done up with sparkly lights 'n all."

"Christmas is a heathen's holiday," Mother Mary said primly.

"Then we're all heathens," Kaylee replied, just as primly. "We love Christmas."

"Santa brings presents," River agreed. "Santa will bring bird girl presents, right?"

"Everybody gets presents at Christmas, mei-mei," Simon told her from where he was scrambling some more protein for Jayne. Satisfied, River went back to feeding Nona.

"Well, there's usually a very large Christmas ball on Snozlund," Kate said. "It's a great deal of fun."

"Ooh, a ball!" Kaylee said excitedly. "Can we go, Cap'n?"

"Seems t' me y' need to be _invited_ t' a ball," Jayne mumbled around a mouthful of cheesy bread. "Least a' ways, that's how it was _last_ time."

"Oh, this one's just for everybody who happens to be in Snozlund at the time," Kate said. "Everybody can come."

"Everybody?" Inara asked, a little in shock. "Even people without escorts?"

"Even people without escorts. And children like Nonny. And old folks like Mother Mary."

"I'm just as old as th' good Lord made me, you little heathen," Mother Mary informed Kate tartly.

"I didn't mean to imply you were_ old_, Mother Mary…"

"Well now, o' course ya did." Mother Mary tucked a slice of apple into her mouth and snapped her massive teeth around it as though that closed the conversation.

"A ball sounds like right good fun, Cap'n!" Kaylee said, her eyes bright.

"Seems a foolish waste o' time t' _me_," Jayne muttered. "No use gettin' gussied up 'n standin' 'round drinkin' fancy drinks."

"They usually have hot cheese," Kaylee told him.

"Hot cheese?" Jayne looked excited.

"I think it'd be a wonderful experience," Inara said, looking forcefully at Mal. "Give us a chance to socialize a bit."

Mal threw up his hands, scattering a bit of scrambled protein to the floor. "Fine, fine, go t' a ball! See if I care!"

"Cap'n, may I have some money fer a slinky dress?" Wash asked.

"You'll need to be warm at this ball," Kate told him. "It's held in one of the ice palaces on Snozlund, which are heated, but still a bit chilly. Heavier clothes are more usually the garb of choice."

"Cap'n, may I have some money fer warm but slinky clothes?"

"We've got cold weather gear a' plenty in the hold," Mal snapped at him. "Don't know if it'll sit well at a fancy _ball_, but it'll keep ya warm enough."

"Nobody really dresses up," Kate hurried to assure Wash. "Well, most people do, but people will know you're from out of town…"

"Honey, I believe I can be presentable at the winter ball," Zoë informed him. "I have some things in my wardrobe you have yet to see."

"Those prospects excite me," Wash said. Zoë cuffed him affectionately on the head, and he ducked, pleased, and scooped some more scrambled protein into his mouth.

"What made you decide to settle in Snozlund?" Inara asked Kate.

"Settle in Snozlund?" Kate replied, confused.

"Yes, it's not a typical settling place for…" Inara hunted for an adjective to properly describe Kate, Nona, and Mother Mary. "… for young people."

Kate appeared perplexed. "There are lots of young people in Snozlund."

"Well, yes, of course, but I'm sure none of them _chose_ to settle there, what with it being cold and all."

"Seven Skyes was just… a little too close to home for us," Kate said with some difficulty.

"Yer not… runnin', are ya?" Mal asked quickly.

"Not in the typical sense, I suppose," Kate replied, which did nothing to allay his fears.

"There ain't… government folk comin' fer ya?" Mal clarified.

"Not that I know of," Kate answered. "We just..." She paused and looked around the table; eager faces were waiting for her answer. Mother Mary clucked her tongue and slipped another apple slice past her massive teeth. "We lost our parents, Nona and I did, not very long ago, not more than six months ago."

"How _awful!"_ Kaylee exclaimed, dropping her fork. "That must have been terrible."

"Yes, it was a dreadful time."

"They died screaming. Fire everywhere. Blinded."

"River," Simon began, but Kate cut him off. "No. She's right. My parents… _our_ parents died in a chemical explosion at the Green Lotus Plant on Ariel. We moved to Seven Skyes to stay with Mother Mary's family until things were settled with the estate, and then decided to move out to Snozlund. A fresh start, as it was. At least, that's what we're hoping for."

"Silly, if you ask me," Mother Mary said, even though no one had. "They would have been perfectly safe in Seven Skyes."

"Safe? Were you not safe on Ariel?" Inara asked.

"Is _anyone_ safe on Ariel?" Jayne muttered.

"We were perfectly safe," Kate answered, a smile frozen on her face. "It just… we needed a new start."

"'Nara," Mal murmured. The Companion looked at him. He shook his head in the negative. She pursed her lips, but let the subject drop.

"The bird and I are going to play dress-up," River announced, pushing back her chair from the table. Before she could leave, Kate put a hand on the younger girl's arm, grasping it tightly in her slim fingers. "Your name is River, right?"

"Just a spider. Inconsequential in the grand scheme of things." River tried to twist her arm from Kate's grasp.

"I want you to be very careful with Nona. She's one of the few things I have left in the world that mean anything to me." River didn't say anything. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

River tilted her head. Simon was holding his breath, praying she wouldn't say something completely inappropriate or whack Kate on the head with her plate. Fortunately, she did neither. She grinned suddenly and unexpectedly. "I heard a bird so sing, whose music, to my thinking, pleased the king."

Kate, stunned, said nothing. Simon said helpfully, "_Henry IV_. Shakespeare."

River smiled at him, as though in gratitude, and pulled Nona's chair away from the table.


	5. Sleep and Other Nocturnal Adventures

Chapter Four: Sleep and Other Nocturnal Adventures

Soundtrack suggestions: "Night Visiting Song" – Kate Rusby, "Because the Night" – 10,000 Maniacs

* * *

Simon had finished neatly organizing the rolls of medical tape and was moving to turn off the lights when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around. It was Kate. "Sorry to startle you," she said in her pleasantly accented voice.

"Oh, no, you didn't…"

"I just… I can't find my sister. I was wondering if you could help me find her."

"You can't find her?" Simon asked. The girl couldn't walk; how far could she have gotten?

"No. Last I knew she was with _your_ sister. But, like the spider she compares herself to, she is good at hiding."

Simon shook his head. "Probably not as well as you think. I bet I can find her."

He switched off the lights and closed the doors. Kate following, he moved to the passenger bunks and went to the one where River usually slept. He slid the door open.

At first, they could see nothing. Then Simon recognized the shape of the box containing the Shepherd's gifts on the floor; it was apparently empty. Simon stepped carefully into the bunk. River was fast asleep on the bed, lying on her side, her mouth slightly open, her face peaceful. Her arm was around Nona, who was lying on her back, her face towards the ceiling. As Simon watched, the younger girl opened her eyes and smiled a little blearily at him. He returned the smile and she faded back into sleep. "She's in here," he whispered to Kate, who stood at the door.

He realized as he turned to face Kate that Nona was wearing every article of jewelry the Shepherd had sent. He smiled broadly.

"Is she… asleep?" Kate whispered in reply.

He nodded as he stepped towards her. He knelt and picked up the Shepherd's box. With one last glance at the two sleeping girls, he exited the bunk and slid the door shut behind him.

Kate looked at him quizzically. "What?" Simon asked.

"Are you going to leave her there?"

"She's asleep, they're both asleep, and I don't see any reason to move them."

"Your sister…?"

"She told you she can be trusted, albeit in her own twisted way. I doubt she's going to harm Noelle."

Kate was quiet for a moment. Then she said, "You seem like a proper fellow. What are you doing out here?"

Simon smiled. "It's… it's a long story."

"I have learned in my line of work that there are never long stories, just people who don't want to share them."

"Your line of work?" He looked at her quizzically.

She gave him a small smile. "I'm an insurance agent. I handle claims." On his look, she continued, "Sounds frightfully boring, doesn't it? I sit in a little office, listening to old people tell me how their oven started a fire. Of course, that's never the whole story." She paused. "Well, I _used_ to, anyhow. I suppose I'll have to find a new job in Snozlund."

"Why are you going to Snozlund?" he asked.

"I told you at supper…"

He shook his head. "Why are you _really_ going to Snozlund?"

Kate didn't have an easy answer. When she at last spoke, she said, "Because I love Nona and Mother Mary, and I want to do what's right by them. If that means traveling halfway across the black," she shrugged, "then that's what I have to do. Mother Mary hasn't been the same since she lost her husband two years ago." She stopped again, looked down at her hands. "They're all I have left."

Before he could speak, she looked up again, a bright but false smile on her face. "Listen to me prattle on. You know exactly what it's like; you don't need to hear a Gloomy Gus blather about it. She's all you have left, too. Isn't that right?"

He nodded, attempting to say something comforting, but she cut him off. "I thank you for helping me find Nona. I'll see you in the morning."

She left then, giving him one last smile over her shoulder, her pointy-toed shoes tapping away on the grating. He couldn't move for a few moments; he stood in front of the bunk, holding the Shepherd's box as though it was the final piece to a complicated puzzle he'd been attempting to assemble.

"Simon?" a soft voice said from behind him. "Are you coming to bed?"

He turned to see Kaylee. "Yes," Simon said confidently. "Yes, I'll be right there."

"What's that?" she asked, approaching him. She was wearing a nightgown. It was blue, a soft, pale blue color. Simon had never seen it before. It made her look very pretty indeed.

"Shepherd Book sent River some gifts," Simon replied, looking down at the box, puzzled. "Jewelry. Extremely _tacky_ jewelry. I've been wondering all day why he would send it to her, why he wouldn't write to the rest of us."

Kaylee looked at him strangely. "Simon, the Shepherd is dead."

"I _know_," he answered, a bit more sharply than he had wished. She looked a bit hurt. "I'm sorry," he said. "I know the Shepherd is dead. He must have sent this to River before he died. The letter said he was in Magellan."

"Magellan? That must have been ages before…"

"I know. It was a long time ago, I guess." He fingered the inlaid lid, then shook his head and smiled up at her. "I'm sorry. I think I'm ready to sleep now."

"Sleep?" Kaylee asked with a broad smile, grabbing the front of his shirt. "That wasn't exactly what I had in mind…"


	6. Find Me

Chapter Five: Sleep and Other Nocturnal Adventures (Part 2)

Soundtrack suggestions: "Morning Nightcap" – Lunasa, "A Night to Remember" – SheDaisy

* * *

_Serenity_ was silent as she moved on auto-pilot through the black. Everyone was in their bunks asleep; at least, that was the hope. There were a few exceptions.

Suddenly a scream sliced the silence, like a flash of lightning on a dark evening.

Simon jerked up, suddenly awake. Next to him, Kaylee opened her eyes. "Who… what? Screams?" she asked blearily.

Simon grabbed for his pants and undershirt, throwing both on. "It's okay, stay here," he told her. He scrambled up the ladder to the main deck.

He met Kate and Mother Mary in the common area, as well as Jayne and Mal. Mother Mary was even scarier and more imposing at night than she was in daylight; she wore a voluminous white flannel nightgown and her graying hair was down, looking fairly ratty. "What's goin' on?" Mal demanded.

"I don't know," Simon said as another scream echoed throughout the ship.

"I'm bettin' ten-t'-one it's yer moon brain sister," Jayne informed Simon.

"Where's it coming from?" Mother Mary asked, just as Kate asked, "Is someone hurt?"

Simon moved to the bunk where he had left Nona and River. Sliding open the door and peering in, he realized that only Nona was in the bunk. She appeared to be fast asleep. "River's gone," he said.

"Is she armed?" Mal asked. Simon shrugged in response. To Kate and Mother Mary, Mal said, "Not t' worry. You kin go back t' bed."

"Nona's not in danger," Simon assured Kate, who still looked worried. "You can check on her if you want; she's right in there."

"You want me t' find her?" Jayne asked Mal.

"I'll find her," Simon said hurriedly. Letting the thug find his sister was probably not a great plan. "You can go back to bed."

"I don't want no trouble, Doc, ya hear?" Mal said.

Simon raised his hands. "I don't want trouble, either. I just want to find River."

"I'll help," Kate offered.

"You… don't… have to…"

"Nonsense, there's nothing wrong with giving a hand where it's needed. Mother Mary, you can go back to bed now."

"Thank th' Lord," Mother Mary said, and swept out of the room like a hideous ghost.

Simon considered that. He wasn't sure if searching a ship for his sister, who was probably in what Jayne would refer to as "crazy mode" and possibly hurt or in pain, either physical or emotional, was a reason to thank the Lord.

"Where should we look first?" Kate asked before Simon could snap out of his puzzlement.

"Uh…" Simon said. "The infirmary, and the mess hall, I guess."

"Lead the way," Kate said, smiling up at him.

He looked one more time in the bunk to make sure River hadn't holed up in some dark corner. No, all was clear, just Nona fast asleep, and her wheelchair next to the bed. "Okay. Let's go."

They went through the ship silently, starting in the cargo hold and working their way up towards the common areas. When they entered the small alcove outside the infirmary, Simon was surprised to see the lights on. He couldn't see River through the windows, but he had a feeling she was in there. He moved to the doors carefully; they were closed, as he had left them.

"Is she in there?" Kate asked, and he started at her voice.

"Uh… I don't know." Simon opened the doors.

His sister was sitting on the far side of the room, behind the bed. He could only see her head. "Mei-mei," he said cautiously as he moved towards her, "are you all right?"

Kate had followed him in. "Is everything all right?"

He stepped around the bed and found River staring up at him. She was very calm, which surprised him and scared him just a little, though he couldn't at first say why. Then he realized why – she was covered in blood. "River!" he exclaimed, his mouth dropping open.

She blinked, staring at some point on the wall in front of her, but said nothing.

"River." He knelt down next to her.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked. Simon had forgotten she was there. Then she stepped up next to him and her mouth, too, fell open. "Gracious Lord in Heaven," she whispered, her face going white.

"River," Simon said, at a loss to say anything else.

His sister smiled, then began to giggle uncontrollably, her head falling back, her mouth open, her eyes closed. Her teeth were stained red, Simon noticed, his heart sinking. There was blood all over her mouth, soaked into her dress, dripping down her arms and legs, in puddles on the floor. There was too much of it; where was it coming from? "River, what did you do?" he demanded.

"Do you want me to…?" Kate began, at a loss to finish her sentence.

"_Ni shi shen me dong xi?"_ River asked in between giggles.

"River, it's Simon," Simon said, attempting to sound stern. "What did you do?"

"Could that someone be Mack the Knife?" River asked brightly, opening her eyes to look at him. He wasn't sure what he saw in her eyes. She was by no means lucid, but she didn't appear to be fully psychotic, and that was what scared him.

He closed his eyes. When he opened them, she was holding her up her arms like someone at a revival meeting, the palms of her hands facing him. He saw where all the blood was coming from; it was all hers. The slices on her arms and her palms seemed to justify that theory. "The average human body has five liters of blood," she informed him. "That's ten pints. It makes up seven percent of your body weight."

"Holy ruttin' hell," someone said from behind him, and Jayne appeared in Simon's sight line. The thug swallowed hard. "She try t'…"

"I'm not sure what she tried to do," Simon answered, and was surprised at how calm his voice sounded.

"D' ya need any help?" Jayne asked, looking at Kate, who was obviously going to be no use in this situation.

"Could you pick her up?" Simon asked, standing, not noticing that his pants were now covered in his sister's blood, and his white undershirt was stained red. "Set her on the counter, please."

Jayne moved to do as the doctor asked. River didn't fight him, surprisingly enough, and let herself be gently placed on the counter. Simon swallowed hard and began opening drawers, forcing himself to think in a detached doctor-patient sort of way. It was by no means easy.

Things faded in and out of his vision as he worked. He saw Jayne and Mal come in and go out. They seemed to be discussing something, but he couldn't hear it. He saw Kate's face, white and concerned, and Kaylee's, even more concerned, in a sea of pale blue. Mostly he saw blood, far too much of it. It was everywhere, consuming his thoughts. He knew how much blood a person could lose safely; it was 70 milliliters per kilogram. River weighed approximately forty-one kilograms; she could stand to lose up to 2900 milliliters of blood. That was a little more than two liters. He had no way to calculate what had already been lost, and more was still flowing. He was worried beyond belief – what had made his sister do such a horrific thing to herself? But his hands did not shake or waver from their tasks.

He finished at long last. River had long since been asleep, he was not sure if it was from sheer exhaustion, pain, or the anesthesia he'd used while he had been sewing her back together. Whatever it was, her sleep was not peaceful, and, even though he knew it was trite and petty of him, he felt secretly pleased that she was suffering for the way she was making him suffer. Of all the things River had done, this was certainly the worst, but he also knew that he would never find the heart to yell at her when she awoke. He couldn't risk throwing her into further despair and hopelessness, thinking that everybody hated her. But he still wondered… what had set this off? What had happened in between dinner, when she had gone to play dress-up with Nona, and the time he'd found her on the floor in a puddle of her own blood?

Someone was yelling; he could hear it vaguely in the back of his brain. He realized it was Kate, standing outside the infirmary doors. Who was she yelling at?

"I think you'd better find the first safe port and leave us there!" Kate declared as Simon stepped out of the infirmary. Great bloody hell, it doesn't even have to be a _safe_ port! The next place we come to, we're off!"

Kaylee, who was seated, stood as Simon appeared. She wove her way past Kate, who was arguing with Mal and Zoë, and came to stand next to him. "How is she?" Kaylee whispered into his ear.

Simon swallowed hard, the sudden extremeness of the situation suddenly hitting him full force. For a moment he couldn't speak, and he feared his knees would give out. Kaylee caught him and lowered him into the chair she'd been sitting in a moment before. "It's all right," she soothed, sitting down next to him.

Mal said, "We can't very well put ya down just anywheres."

"Well, we are _certainly_ not safe here!" Kate exclaimed. "I am convinced of that."

"Why?" Zoë asked. "Because one of our crew members did something to _herself?"_

"You are forgetting, perhaps, that this crew member of yours is the girl who earlier swore to protect my younger sister? And perhaps you have also forgotten that my sister is unable to care for herself and would be defenseless against your crew member? And perhaps you have _also_ forgotten that your crew member is lying in there, unconscious, _in her own blood?_"

"Trust me, Ms. Sugarwhite, I would let River harm your sister _chu fei wo si le_," Mal said. "She may be part of my crew, but _you_ are a paying passenger."

"Not any longer!" Kate yelled. "We are getting off! We are_ obviously_ no longer safe on this ship."

"Ms. Sugarwhite, why don't we all calm down?" Mal suggested, trying to placate Kate. "I understand we've all been under some stress this evening…"

"That's just it; I don't think you understand at all!" Kate cried in disgust. "_We are not safe here!_ Something horrible could happen to Nona or Mother Mary or even me!"

Simon had been listening to this discourse, growing angrier and angrier. Finally, having heard all he could hear, he stood up angrily. "_Listen to me!"_ he said loudly, interrupting the banter between Kate and Mal. "You think _you're_ in danger? Do you want to _know_ who is in danger? It's not you, I can tell you that much. It is my sister, the one who is lying in there unconscious in a puddle of her own blood! She is the _only one_ in danger, and she is in danger of _dying_ because _someone_ thought it was fun to play around with her _brain!"_ His voice was a notch above a yell, and way too loud for the situation.

He felt Kaylee's hand on his shoulder suddenly and everything he had said smacked him in the face. He buried his head in his hands.

"Doc," Mal said, watching the younger man, "yer sister's gonna be fine. She's made it through rougher 'n this a'fore." Simon didn't respond, so the captain turned to Kate. "And what's more, you and yers are safer than ever a'fore on my ship. We'll take care t' make sure nothin' happens t' ya."

Kate's face had lost its angry look and she was staring with almost-pity at Simon, who still had his head buried in his hands, Kaylee's arm around his shoulder. Softly, she said, "No, no special treatment, Captain Reynolds. You were right. We are perfectly safe here."

"Well… good," Mal said, at a loss to say anything else.

"Sir, why don't we discuss this further in the morning?" Zoë suggested.

"Yes. That's a good idea," Kate agreed hurriedly. "Thank you for all your help, Captain Reynolds."

She turned on her heel and moved quickly from the alcove. Mal watched her go with interest. "She's a right mystery, ain't she?" he asked Zoë.

"Whatever you say, sir," Zoë said tiredly.

"Kaylee, take the doc t' bed," Mal requested.

"No," Simon said through his hands. "I have to watch River. Make sure she doesn't… go into shock."

"She won't wake up fer awhile, Simon," Kaylee said gently. "You kin sleep 'til she's awake."

"I have to… she's lost so much blood…" He looked up at Mal; he was obviously upset.

"If he ain't gonna sleep, Kaylee, keep 'im company," Mal said, softening a little. "We'll take stock o' things in th' mornin'."

Kaylee nodded, her arm still around Simon. Mal watched them go into the infirmary together, then turned to Zoë. "You kin go back t' sleep now."

"Thank you, sir."

"Didn't Wash wake up?"

"He did. I told him t' stay outa the way if he knew what was good fer him."

"Smart move. Knew I could count on you."

They went their separate ways, one back to a warm bed and a loving spouse, the other to an empty, dark bunk, neither looking forward to what the morning would bring.

Kaylee took a perch on the opposite side of the infirmary as Simon tended to his sister. "How is she?" the mechanic asked.

Simon sighed; he seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. "She is… who knows? She is all cut up, covered in blood."

"I'm sure when she wakes up, she'll tell ya exactly what happened."

"What do you mean?"

"Simon," Kaylee said, as though this was obvious, "you don't really think was _River_ did this?"

Simon looked at her as though she had just suggested they dress up like superheroes and attempt to fly by jumping off the top of a tall building. "Uh… what?"

She shook her head, smiling. "River could never do this t' herself. Had t' be somebody else in there."

Realization hit Simon in the face like a pan of cold water. "You think… you think there's somebody _in_ her that told her to do this?"

"What else could it've been? River wouldn't do this t' herself. Look deep inside, ya know she wouldn't."

Simon looked down at his sleeping sister. Her face had lost the tension of earlier, and she appeared to be sleeping peacefully once more, except for the fact that she was still covered in her own blood from head to toe. Quietly he agreed, "Yes. You're right. River wouldn't do this if she was in control of her brain."

Kaylee shook her head. "_Cai bu shi_."

"Now what?" Simon asked, looking up at her.

She pulled a lock of hair between two of her fingers. "Now? We play the waitin' game."


	7. Taking Shots

Chapter Six: Taking Shots

Soundtrack suggestions: "Fighting With Fire" – Sam Phillips, "World on Fire" – Sarah McLachlan

* * *

"Doc," a voice said gruffly but quietly. "Doc, wake up."

Simon opened his eyes. Jayne was standing above him; he was apparently asleep on the floor. Seeing Kaylee lying beside him, still asleep, he quickly got to his feet. "What?" he asked Jayne quietly.

"Yer sister's awake and askin' fer ya."

Simon looked at Jayne confusedly. "Did you…?"

Jayne shrugged. "You was asleep. Somebody had t' watch Crazy."

Simon was oddly touched by the mercenary's not-so-typical behavior. "Uh… thanks." He ran a hand through his hair and crossed the infirmary to where River was lying. "Hey," he said quietly.

"Simon, a bad thing happened," his sister said gravely.

"You're telling me; I had to sleep on the floor," he said with a wry smile, trying to be funny. When she didn't smile, he said, more seriously, "You scared me, mei-mei."

"Sorry. Won't happen again." She swallowed. "Metal in my mouth."

"Do you want some water?"

She nodded solemnly.

Simon turned and was nearly broadsided by Jayne, who was standing no more than a foot from him, holding a mug of water. "Here," Jayne said quietly.

"Thanks." Simon took the mug, and without asking, Jayne moved around to lift River into a sitting position against the wall. She took in a mouthful of water, swished it around, then spit it out, pink. "Better?" Simon asked. She nodded slowly. "Okay."

"Metal all over. Dirty. Sticky. Unclean. Nobody can touch an untouchable."

"We'll get you cleaned up," Simon assured her. "I have to go find you some clean clothes, though."

"I'll do it," Kaylee said groggily, and they turned to face her. She was standing and looked only a little sleepy. "I'll get something fer her t' wear." She left the infirmary, yawning.

"Anythin' I kin do t' help?" Jayne asked.

"Not at the moment, thank you though," Simon replied, still strangely touched by the large man's bizarre kindness.

"I'll go eat me some breakfast then," Jayne stated. "Be back if'n ya need me."

"Simon," River said as Jayne was leaving, "you're red."

Simon looked down at his undershirt, which was stained reddish-brown from the night's events. "It's okay, mei-mei."

"You're wearing me," she said as though something had suddenly clicked in her head, and she began to hyperventilate. "I'm all over, spread out, all over the floor and they'll never pick me up, so many pieces all over…"

"Shh, shh, mei-mei," Simon said. "It's all right. Calm down. It'll be all right." He hugged her to him, and he could feel her heart beating, way too fast, like a hummingbird's. Her thickly bandaged arms at her sides, she stiffly accepted the hug.

Kaylee reentered, carrying one of River's dresses, a light green one. "This good enough?" she asked. River nodded solemnly. "Would ya like t' wash off?" Again, another nod. "I'll take her down t' the storeroom," Kaylee offered. "There's a spigot in there and a drain in th' floor."

"I'll go with you," Simon said.

"Simon," Kaylee hissed, "t' ain't _proper_ fer a boy t' see his sister naked."

"Well, then…" Simon said, at a loss for words. "Let me at least wrap her arms in plastic so the bandages won't get wet."

He did as he had said, then lifted River down off the counter. She was a good deal lighter than he had expected and lifting her was easy. She moved awkwardly towards the doors, Kaylee following slowly.

"Won't take but a few minutes," Kaylee assured Simon as they were leaving. "I'll have her back in time fer breakfast – oatmeal again, wouldn't want t' miss that, wouldja?"

River didn't say anything, so Simon quickly said, "Miss oatmeal? Blasphemy!"

"Y' might wanna put some other clothes on," Kaylee suggested.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, only a little sarcastically. "Anything else?"

She smiled as she and River left. "That'll be enough fer right now, but as fer t' night…"

The storeroom did indeed have a spigot and a drain in the floor, as Kaylee had said. The mechanic filled a bucket with water. "'Kay, we're gonna have t' take yer dress off, River. I'll be gentle, I promise." River didn't respond, just lifted her heavily-bandaged arms so Kaylee could take off the blood-soaked clothing. Then she whispered, "_Can't hurt me anymore. I won't be yours_."

"What, honey?" Kaylee asked, but River was done communicating.

Above deck, Nona lay awake in River's bunk, staring at the ceiling. She was wringing her hands and crooning sadly, almost eerily, to herself. Her friend was hurt, her friend was in trouble. It was too much for Nona to take in.

Kate opened the door and smiled brightly at her sister. "How do you feel about purple today?" Kate asked perkily, holding up a lavender shirt and darker purple pants. Nona couldn't smile; she was worrying with River. Kate sensed that something was wrong and sat down next to her sister. "Are you worrying about River?" Nona didn't respond, but that was nothing new. "The doctor said she'd be just fine. I bet you can see her in just a little while."

Nona rolled her head to the side so she was looking at Kate. Her eyes were big. Kate said, "What pretty jewelry you have on. Did your new friend give that to you?" Nona blinked. "You can wear some of it after we change your clothes. Look at this pretty necklace – purple asters! It'll go great with your shirt."

Mother Mary was in the mess hall, stirring up a large pot of oatmeal, when Kate wheeled Nona in. The little girl was wearing the purple clothes and the necklace of purple asters. Kate had removed the rest of the jewelry and, for lack of a better place to put it, had left it on River's bed. "Well, good morning, little gem! Don't you look right shiny this mornin'!" Mother Mary exclaimed as Kate brought Nona's chair up to the table. The older woman was wearing her traditional "uniform" and had twisted her hair up, pinning it under her bonnet. Nona rewarded her with a smile.

"Will you feed her, Mother Mary?" Kate requested.

"I sure will," Mother Mary replied. "What are you goin' t' do?"

"Is the doctor around?" Kate answered Mother Mary's query with a question of her own.

"Sure he is," Mother Mary said, giving Kate a strange look. "Ya thinkin' of takin' up with 'im? He's right cute," she said, a twinkle in her eye.

"I'd just like to apologize for my behavior last night."

"What happened last night?" Mother Mary asked. "Did ya find the girl?"

Kate paused; she had forgotten that Mother Mary knew nothing of the night's events. "Yes, we found her," she answered slowly.

River and Kaylee appeared at that moment, and Mother Mary and Kate turned to regard them. "Good mornin'!" Mother Mary exclaimed.

Kaylee nodded, saying, "G' mornin', Mother Mary. Kate." She pulled out a chair for River. "Sit here, sweetie, I'll get ya somethin' t' eat."

River sat, stiffly and without comment. Kaylee moved to the stove and ladled up a bowl of oatmeal. Simon appeared, his hair freshly combed, wearing clean clothes. "Mei-mei, how are you feeling?" he asked, sitting down next to his sister.

"Heavy. My arms are too heavy. They're going to fall off."

"Do they hurt? I can give you some pain medication…"

She shook her head silently in the negative, but he could see there were tears in her eyes. Obviously, _something_ hurt, maybe not her arms. Maybe her mind. That was a very good possibility.

"Gracious me, what happened t' her?" Mother Mary exclaimed, looking directly at River's arms. Kaylee had taken off the plastic, but they were still wound in thick layers of white gauze and pinned with medical tape.

"There was… a bit of an accident, Mother Mary," Kate hurried to say.

"What kind of 'n accident?" Mother Mary asked in abject horror, still staring at River's arms. "We gonna be all right?"

Before anyone could answer her, Wash's voice, a little panicked, came over the intercom. "Ya maybe wanna strap yerselves in! Cap'n my Cap'n, could ya get up here real quick?"

As soon as he finished speaking, the ship swung hard to the right. Mother Mary grabbed onto the counter behind her. Kate hung onto the table, one hand on Nona's wheelchair. Nona sat within, strapped in by a four-point harness, wringing her hands peacefully. Simon grabbed for Kaylee's hand as her knees buckled, catching her before she could fall to the floor. He looked over at River. Her eyes were on the ceiling and her lips were moving.

"What in the ruttin' hell's goin' on?" Jayne demanded, stumbling through. He apparently had been in the process of attaching his holsters, as they swung free around his waist. "We goin' down 'gain?"

Simon shook his head. "I don't know."

"Wash better figure it out soon or we're all dead," Jayne said through clenched teeth.

"He… he doesn't mean that," Kate said to Mother Mary, whose face had gone white. "We're going to be fine."

Inara entered as the ship jolted to the left. "We're under fire," she said.

"From _who?"_ Jayne asked. "We ain't got anybody followin' us last I knew!"

"Random ship, Mal said," Inara answered, stumbling her way into the galley.

"What do they want with us?" Kate wondered. "We haven't done anything wrong, have we?"

"Look around, Kathryn!" Mother Mary exclaimed a tinge hysterically. "We're on a Firefly with common criminals! Done anythin' wrong, my foot!"

"Hey!" Jayne said, obviously resenting being called a common criminal.

"Holy shit!" someone yelled suddenly, before Jayne and Mother Mary could come to fisticuffs. Looking around, no one could determine where it had come from. Then they all realized that Wash must have left the intercom on. Then his voice said, a trifle fearful, "Attention everybody! We are goin' in t' atmo of Snozlund! Prepare fer landin'!"

"Too much noise," River said fervently. "She's here, she's here, she's _here_ and she's going to come get me with her icy claws…"

"It's okay, everything will be all right," Simon said, trying to be heard over Mother Mary's praying.

"Blessed Lord o' our fathers, keep us safe in yer Blessed Hands of Mercy and Love," the older woman mumbled, her fingers fumbling at the star pin on her collar. "Blessed Lord o' our mothers, protect us by day and shelter us by night…"

"She's here, Simon!" River yelled, grabbing her head with her bandaged hands as though trying to block out her thoughts. "She's yelling at me!"

The ship hit the ground and all of its passengers held on, waiting for the ordeal to end. As soon as it did and _Serenity_ had come to a stop, Jayne ran for the hold. The rest of them followed him. Mal, Wash, and Zoë appeared from the bridge.


	8. Familiar Faces

Chapter Seven: Familiar Faces

Soundtrack suggestions: "Smiling Face" – M2M, "Nothing We Can't Face" – Joss Whedon

* * *

"Holy ruttin' hell!" Jayne exclaimed. "What in the hell was that?"

"Well, we gotta suit up t' go find out," Mal answered calmly. "It's cold out there, ya know. We're in Snozlund now, ever' body put on yer cold weather gear."

He moved to the large crate he'd brought on at Seven Skyes and opened it. Inside was all manner of cold weather gear in various sizes and colors. "Jayne, yer green."

"What the hell d' ya mean, I'm _green?"_

Mal gestured at the crate. "Yer outer wear is green. Everythin' green is yers."

"Oh," Jayne said, a little abashed. He began to grab green things out of the crate.

"Zoë, yer yellow," Mal continued. "Wash… blue."

"Whoo-hoo!" Wash exclaimed and darted over to stand by Jayne, looking for the blue outerwear.

"Wash, yer not goin' outside right yet," Mal said. The pilot frowned, but Mal continued, "Doc, when the time comes fer ya t' go outside, yer red and yer sister's pink."

"Aww," Kaylee said, disappointed. "I wanted t' be pink."

"Well, yer not," Mal replied tartly. "Yer orange."

"Orange!"

"Ya look good in orange," Mal said, trying to pacify the angry mechanic. "Like a right sunflower."

"Sir? Sunflowers are yellow," Zoë said.

"Or… some other orange flower. A tiger-lily!"

Kaylee frowned at him, but said nothing.

"'Nara, yer…"

"I have my own outerwear," the Companion said calmly, "thank you very much."

"What does that leave you, sir?" Zoë asked, staring into the crate in confusion.

"Me? I've got a right motley assortment of black and brown," Mal replied. He turned to the passengers. "Ya brought yer own outerwear, didn't ya?"

Kate nodded. "Yes, we did."

"Good," Mal said. "When we get back we'll escort ya t' th' housin' offices."

He began to suit up. The outerwear he had purchased on Seven Skyes was by no means fashionable, despite the handy color-coordinating system. Each person was outfitted with a parka, heavy snow-pants, boots, a hat, and a thick pair of gloves, all in the colors Mal had mentioned. Once he, Zoë, Wash, and Jayne were suited up, Mal opened the hatch. What they saw surprised them all.

Two women were standing before the open door. They were both wearing heavy outerwear as well, but the air flowing into _Serenity_'s hold was warm. Or, if not warm, warmish. There was no snow or ice in sight. "Hello," one of the women said. She was obviously the older of the two, maybe thirty-five or forty. Her blond hair was straight and hung to her shoulders, peeking out from under her blue knitted hat, which had a cunning pom-pom on top. Her eyes were blue as well, but a lighter shade. Her gray parka was unzipped to show a cream-colored shirt dotted with flowers. Her voice was pleasant, but not overly polite, as though she hadn't decided yet if she was going to be friends with the people she was encountering. "Which one of you is Captain Malcolm Reynolds?"

"That's me," Mal answered. "Are ya th' ones shootin' us down?"

The woman gave an apologetic smile in their general direction. "Yes, that was our ship, I'm afraid." She stepped forward and took off one of her green-and-blue mittens to shake Mal's hand. "Charlotte DuBois, captain of _The Outrigger," _she said, pronouncing her last name "doo-bwah." "I'm terribly sorry for the mistake. We were under the impression that you were the ship we'd been looking for all week. Your ship certainly fit the profile."

"Ya couldn't have _asked_ first?"

"First rule of the Snozlund Militia," the second woman said. "Shoot first, ask questions later."

"Ordinarily I'd be pleased t' hear that's yer slogan," Mal said crisply, "but since it was my ship bein' shot up, I'm a little discouraged."

"This is my co-pilot, Jillian McClain," Charlotte said by way of introduction. The younger woman was a good deal shorter than Charlotte, with short dark hair held back in a ponytail. She was pale, and dressed in black outerwear with sturdy-looking boots. She looked as though she ate nails for breakfast with a side of bolts and creamed drill bits on toast. "I'm terribly sorry for the mistake, Captain Reynolds," Charlotte apologized.

"The ship you were lookin' fer, what is it?" Mal asked, curious.

"We're looking for a Firefly-class ship that robbed the Snozlund Treasury last week," Charlotte answered promptly. "In our defense, we stopped shooting at you as soon as we saw the name on your ship. The ship we're after is _Stoïque_."

The walkie-talkie attached to Charlotte's belt beeped and she unclipped it, pressing the red button on the side. "Excuse me a moment," she said, and moved away from the group. "Stargazer here, go ahead, Home Base."

"Isn't that th' name o' th' ship that helped us when we got in ta the shootout with the PRFO?" Wash asked Mal quietly. Mal nodded. Wash continued, "Why would they rob the Snozlund Treasury? Ain't somethin' a Companion would do, now is it?"

Before Mal could reply with either a witty remark or a serious answer, Charlotte turned back around. "Good news. _Stoïque_ has been located and has landed in the bay directly opposite this one. If you'd like to come with us, Captain Reynolds, we'd be glad to give you whatever assistance you need."

"Got some passengers here need t' go t' th' housin' offices," Mal answered, gesturing to Kate and her dependents.

Charlotte nodded. "Jillian can run you over there. I've got to go and speak with the captain of _Stoïque_ for a bit."

"If ya wouldn't mind, we kin just go with ya," Mal said. "We're friend with the crew o' _Stoïque_."

"Oh, are you?" Charlotte asked, giving them a strange look. "Well, then you can come along, I suppose."

"Zoë, Jayne, come with me," Mal ordered. "The rest o' you, stay here."

"Sure thing, Cap'n my Cap'n," Wash answered with a mock salute. "We'll stay outa trouble 'til ya get back."

Mal, Zoë, and Jayne exited. Wash closed the hatch behind them. Mal realized the reason that the air was warm was because they were inside. A rubber-coated walkway led away from their ship, and at the end of the walkway was a large window. Outside the window, Mal could see a snow-covered paradise. The sun reflecting off the snow drifts was bright and pleasant. People dressed in heavy parkas were skating to and fro on icy canals that never melted, or walking on the sidewalks, which were clear and clean. The shop-fronts he could see were decked in bright red, green, and gold bunting and tinsel.

"Come along, right this way," Charlotte said, leading the three _Serenity_ crew members through a glass door Mal hadn't noticed. The door led into another hallway similar to the one they had just exited with an identical rubber-coated walkway. As they rounded a bend in the hallway, an open hatch appeared. Standing at the bottom of the hatch's ramp were several people Mal could recognize and name.

The first was the captain of _Stoïque_, Companion Emilia Sage, a blond beauty. She was wearing beautiful clothes as usual, a heavy red and gold patterned shawl wrapped around her slim shoulders. Standing next to her was the pilot of _Stoïque_, Carole Trickey. Carole was shorter and stockier than Emilia, with extremely curly red hair and a bright grin. She looked as though she was suffocating in her blue-and-white parka, a snowflake-patterned fleecy scarf wrapped around her neck. Antony and Kolya, the two "emissaries" for the ship, stood next to Carole. Both were wearing emerald green parkas and looked remarkably similar in this light, even though Antony was a striking olive-skinned man and Kolya was paler, with curly red-brown hair. Completing the crew was Dr. Rupert Pawtucket, who had been responsible for saving River's life not too long ago. Rupert was an older gentleman with white-gold hair and a respectable look about him.

Rupert was the first to notice the newcomers. "Captain Reynolds!" he said broadly. "How wonderful to see you again!"

Mal nodded, receiving the greeting. "Howdy, Doc Rupert. It's good t' see ya 'gain."

"Why, Captain Reynolds," Emilia said, a little startled. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, apparently, takin' shots fer ya," Mal answered sarcastically. "You kin thank us later."

"Who are these people?" Emilia asked.

"Oh, allow me t' introduce Charlotte DuBois and Jillian McClain," Mal replied sharply. "They're the ones doin' the shootin'."

"You were _shot at?"_ Emilia asked, obviously horrified.

"Like I said, we were takin' shots fer ya."

"Are you registered Companion Emilia Sage?" Charlotte asked briskly.

"Yes, I am."

"Then I'm going to have to take you into custody," Charlotte said, stepping forward, a pair of handcuffs in her hands.

"For _what?"_ Emilia demanded. "This is an outrage!"

"Your ship, _Stoïque_, was seen leaving the Snozlund Treasury following a robbery last week," Charlotte informed her crisply.

"This is absurd!" Emilia cried. "Why would we come _back_ to the scene of the crime? What _possible_ logic is there in that?"

Jillian said, "Well, there really… isn't…any…? Why are we arresting them, Charlotte?"

"Just following orders," Charlotte responded.

"This doesn't make any sense!" Emilia exclaimed. "I demand to talk to your superior officer!"

Charlotte shrugged and looked at Jillian. "I suppose we can let you talk to her. Come with us. Captain Reynolds, will you be good enough to accompany us?"

"Whaddya need us fer?" Mal asked.

"Corroborating stories," Charlotte answered smoothly. "We'll need witnesses."

"Oh, now, I dunno," Mal said, a little confused. "We didn't witness th' crime… if in fact there _was _a crime."

"Oh, there was. The Treasury _was_ robbed," Jillian assured him.

"What, pray tell, did they take?" Emilia asked.

"Books," Jillian replied.

"Books? I'm being arrested over _books?"_

"Miss Emilia," Carole said gently, "y' know books are important."

"These books were of the history of Snozlund. They were very old and of great value to us," Charlotte added. "Captain Reynolds, you mentioned a need to go to the housing offices? Our offices are just next door."

"Great," Mal grumbled. "Guess we can go get ever' body else."

It took about a half hour for the rest of _Serenity_'s crew to don their outerwear and meet Mal, Zoë, Jayne, the two officers of the Snozlund Militia, and the entire crew of _Stoïque_ at the exit of the landing port. Wash was smiling broadly. "Snow angels!" he yelled as he left the rubber walkway of the landing port behind. He dove, almost headfirst, into the snow.

"Wash! Honey!" Zoë said, horrified. To everyone else, she said, "He's usually not like this at all, I swear!"

Wash sprawled onto his back and began moving his arms and legs. "_Snow, snow, snow angel!"_ he sang.

"Awesome!" Kaylee exclaimed, and threw herself down into the snow next to Wash, making a similar angel.

"Kin I shoot 'em?" Jayne demanded. "Obviously gone out of their nutter minds…"

"No shooting in Snozlund!" Jillian said angrily.

"What d' ya _mean_, no shooting in Snozlund! You were shootin' at _us!"_

"That was before you landed," Jillian answered smugly. "Your guns are now solely shiny things to look at, and not much more."

Jayne looked horrified, as though someone had told him… well, as though someone had told him he couldn't play the part of a thug with guns, which… someone had.

Mal clapped his stunned crew member on the shoulder. "It'll be all right, Jayne. We won't be here long enough fer ya t' need t' shoot nothin'."

"Where are you staying on Snozlund, Captain Reynolds?" Charlotte asked politely, as they were still gathered watching Wash and Kaylee writhe around on their respective plots of snow.

Mal turned to Zoë, who promptly answered, "We're stayin' in Parker's Playhouse on Colchester Street."

"A lovely choice," Charlotte said.

"Excuse me, Captain?" Kate asked. "Are we going now?"

"Wash! Kaylee! Get outa the snow, ya fools!" Mal yelled. Sheepishly, his crew members did as he had ordered. "Let's go," he said to Charlotte.


	9. Simon's Past Comes Back to Slap Him

Chapter Eight: Simon's Past Comes Back to Slap Him

Soundtrack: "Hit the Floor" – Linkin Park, "Ready to Run" – Dixie Chicks

* * *

It was a ten-minute walk to the Snozlund Militia offices, which apparently shared space with the housing offices. It was a difficult walk for some. Mother Mary, whose outerwear consisted of the largest, ugliest black wool coat anyone had ever seen and some heavy-soled boots of dubious origin, slid and slipped her way along, often grabbing onto Simon's shoulder for assistance, which displeased the doctor to no end, as he was trying to keep an eye on River. Contrary to usual, his sister seemed remarkably calm.

Then Charlotte dropped back to talk to Mother Mary, who she had apparently met before, and River lost it. Simon found that he had been waiting for such an outburst, and was therefore not surprised.

"Don't let her near me!" River yelled.

"Shh, shh, mei-mei," Simon said. "Be quiet for me." People were looking over at the band of travelers, making him uneasy.

"She's going to rip my heart out with her icy claws and _eat it!"_ River declared, a little hysterically, glaring at Charlotte, who was deep in conversation with Mother Mary.

"River, no one's going to eat your heart," Simon said. He was pretty assured of that statement's truth.

"What's the gorram crazy talkin' 'bout now?" Jayne asked.

"I don't know."

A snowball whizzed out of nowhere and struck Jayne in the head. He whirled around, looking for his attacker and found her; Kaylee was bent double laughing at him. "Gorram it, Kaylee!" he growled.

"Aw, c'mon, Jayne! That was hilarious!"

His response was to pack a snowball of his own and leap off the sidewalk towards her, attempting to stuff it down her orange parka's collar as she shrieked protests.

"Kaylee! Jayne! _Control yerselves!"_ Mal barked, and both stopped their antics immediately, Kaylee still giggling hysterically.

They arrived at the office complex only a little worse for the wear. River was still muttering away about Charlotte's murderous, heart-eating streak. Kaylee was red in the face from laughing so hard. Jayne was still scowling.

"Welcome to the offices of the Snozlund Militia!" Charlotte said broadly, waving her arms at the office complex. It was four stories high, all glass and steel, shining brightly in the mid-morning sun. "Come on in!"

She led them into the offices and the copious stripping-off of outwear began, Kate helping Nona with her coat and mittens, Simon helping River ease her parka's sleeves over the bandages. "You can leave your wraps here," Jillian offered, pointing to a small room well-appointed with coat hooks. "Your things will dry while we talk to Sergeant Flavez."

"Right this way," Charlotte directed, leading them down a short hallway and into a very large conference room.

The room was about the size of a large amphitheater, with immense glass windows covering one whole side of it. There was an extremely massively long table running the length of it, with black leather wheeled chairs pulled up to it. At various intervals on the table there were implements of good conferencing: whitish-yellow plastic coffee butlers, white ceramic cream pitchers, black lacquer sugar bowls, yellow legal pads, neatly sharpened yellow pencils and ink-filled blue and black pens. There was a tall white pad of paper on an easel at the far end of the room. The room smelled not unpleasantly like coffee and markers.

At the end of the long table, two people were standing, obviously deep in conversation. One was a short female with soft-looking light brown hair and small glasses. She wore a Celtic cross around her neck and a T-shirt which proclaimed her to be a member (or at least a supporter) of "Snozlund University's Finest Music Sorority: Pi Kappa Phi!" The rest of her attire was casual, jeans and heavy-soled boots.

The other person was a male, a great deal taller than the female but obviously younger. His brown hair was longish and curly, hanging to the collar of his short-sleeved yellow plaid button-down shirt, which he wore open over a yellow T-shirt. He also had a goatee, the same color as his hair. His glasses were larger than the female's, and looked spectacularly clean.

"Sergeant Flavez? Officer Raymond?" Charlotte said cautiously. "Are we interrupting something important?"

"No, certainly not!" said the female officer, and turned to face them. "Welcome to the Snozlund Militia office complex! Certainly a large group, isn't it, Charlotte?"

"Holy Mother of God!" Simon said, but as he was standing near the back of the group, holding River's arm at the elbow, no one heard him but his sister and Kaylee.

"What is it?" Kaylee asked.

"That… that… _I know her!" _he exclaimed, stunned.

"What? How do you know her? How can you _possibly_ know anyone in Snozlund? What's her name?" Kaylee demanded.

"Her name is Jimena Flavez," he said, still stunned. "We… went to med school together!" He shook his head in disbelief. "Holy Mother of God," he repeated. "I thought she was dead!"

"What is she doing in Snozlund?"

"Like I have an idea! Oh God. I'm going mad…"

"I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds," Mal was saying to Jimena and Officer Raymond, whose first name they didn't know. "This is my crew… well, not _all_ of them are my crew."

"And I'm Emilia Sage, registered Companion and captain of _Stoïque_," the other captain said, never to be outdone.

"Welcome, welcome! I'm Sergeant Jimena Flavez, and this is Officer James Raymond, but everybody calls him Jimmy."

"Well, not _everybody_," the male officer hurried to say. "Just… most of them."

"They're here to discuss the recent robbery of the Snozlund Treasury," Charlotte informed Jimena.

"Which led to us shooting at _Serenity_, which was actually the wrong ship," Jillian added, a little sheepishly.

"You shot at the wrong ship?" Jimena demanded. "What's wrong with you?"

"We thought it was the right one," Charlotte hastened to explain.

"Are you _insane?_ What's the first rule of the Snozlund Militia?"

Charlotte and Jillian looked down at their boots and didn't reply.

"_What's the first rule of the Snozlund Militia?"_ Jimena snapped, eyes blazing.

Charlotte and Jillian mumbled something in unison.

"_What_ was that?"

"Make sure of your opponent before you shoot," Charlotte and Jillian said, louder.

"That's what I thought! Captain Reynolds, Miss Sage, I am _terribly_ sorry for my officers' conduct. We'll get a crew to fix whatever damage they did," Jimena said, glaring at Charlotte and Jillian.

"That'd be real nice of ya, Sergeant Flavez," Mal said.

"Oh, please. Jimena."

"Jimena, then."

"Where are you staying in Snozlund?" Jimena asked.

"Parker's Playhouse on Colchester Street," Zoë answered.

"A good choice," Jimena said. "If there's anything we can do to make your stay here more comfortable, please, don't hesitate to ask."

"Actually," Mal said, "I've got some passengers here who need t' go t' the housin' offices. Are they right about here?"

Jimena nodded. "Yes, they're on the fourth floor. Jimmy, will you take them?"

"Sure thing, Sergeant Flavez!" Jimmy answered brightly, saluting. "Come with me."

"It's just these three," Mal said, gesturing to Kate, Nona, and Mother Mary. As he stepped back to point them out to Jimmy, Simon was suddenly in Jimena's line of sight.

"Simon? Simon _Tam?"_ she asked incredulously.

Simon turned his head quickly, as though that would stop her from recognizing him. She wove her way through the crowd until she was standing in front of him. "Simon Tam, as I live and breathe!"

Before Simon could respond, she slapped him heartily across the face. Kaylee gasped. River said, "Angry love" and started to giggle.

"Whoa!" Wash said.

"Don't get too excited," Zoë cautioned him.

"I won't. But you never slap _me_ that way…"

"I thought you were _dead!"_ Jimena screamed at Simon. "You ran off to do crazy work and you _never came back!"_

"Well, then, I guess we're even," Simon answered a little sheepishly, holding his face where she'd slapped him. "I thought you were dead too."

"Why, because I ran off and joined a renegade corps of surgeons that took me to the end of the earths and beyond, eventually landing me here in Snozlund, where I became an official in the Snozlund Militia? _You_ went head-to-head with the Alliance! I think I have a better reason for assuming you were dead!"

"I'm… sorry?"

"Damn right you are!" the petite woman barked. "Jimmy!"

"Yes ma'am?"

"Take these passengers to the housing offices on the double!"

"Yes ma'am!" Jimmy practically snapped his feet together. "This way."

Jimena leaned on the table and closed her eyes. Simon looked anxiously at Kaylee, who was staring at him with confusion. "I think I have to go… have a stiff drink," Jimena said faintly.

Jimmy led Kate, Nona, and Mother Mary out the way they'd entered, and they disappeared down the hallway. Mal looked at Zoë, who was looking at Jayne. Jayne was staring at Sergeant Flavez strangely.

"Oh, _God_," Mal said. "Don't tell me he's in _love_ with her!"

"Sir, I think the fact that she just totally rejected Simon, and had a past with Simon, gave her new appeal in his eyes," Zoë answered, trying to keep from laughing.

"Let's go," Mal said, before Jayne could make a fool of himself. "We've got business t' attend t' and a ship t' prepare."

"Come along," Emilia said to her crew.

Charlotte watched them go, interest in her eyes.

"What are you thinking on, Charlotte?" Jillian asked.

Charlotte's eyes followed River out. The younger girl turned, as though she could feel Charlotte watching her. She scowled at Charlotte, who continued to look solemnly and directly at her. River's eyes went wide, as though something had become suddenly clear to her, and she ran out. "Oh, nothing…"


	10. Plans Change

Chapter Nine: Plans Change

Soundtrack suggestions: "A Change Would Do You Good" – Sheryl Crow, "Sabre Dance" – Czecho-Slovak Radio Symphony Orchestra

* * *

"Here's the plan," Mal said, unrolling a large sheet of paper on the galley's table. It was covered in diagrams and arrows, tiny type in small boxes all over it.

"You made a _plan,_ sir? I'm strangely touched," Zoë remarked.

"Don't push it. Eddy made the plan fer me."

"When did he have time t' do that?"

Mal shrugged. "It's an old plan. We used it while ago t' rob th' Hoboken Junction. Figured it'd work just as well fer a museum."

"_You_ robbed the Hoboken Junction?"

"It was the decade. Everybody robbed the Hoboken Junction."

"They _did_," Zoë agreed, "until it was shut down."

"What was shut down?" Jayne asked, strolling in.

"The Hoboken Junction."

"Aww, what a great place!" Jayne exclaimed. "Man. The girls I met there… hoo-wee! They were somethin' special, that's fer sure!"

"Jayne, not now," Zoë groaned.

"Got plannin' t' do," Mal informed his mercenary, indicating the sheet of paper on the table.

"Well, we gotta plan somethin', that's fer sure," Jayne said.

"Whaddya mean?" Mal asked.

"They're back," Jayne said simply.

"_Who's_ back?"

"Yer passengers." Jayne gestured to the doorway. Sure as shooting, Kate, Nona, and Mother Mary were there.

Mal just stared, slightly stupefied. "I thought you was goin' t' th' housin' offices."

"We did," Kate answered.

"So why're ya back?"

"There isn't a place for us to stay," Kate replied. "Our house or apartment or whatever it is we were supposed to live in doesn't exist."

"Why not?" Zoë asked.

Kate shrugged. "I don't know. They couldn't say. The arrangements for our housing were made previously, when we were still on Seven Skyes, and they were supposed to have been all set by the time we arrived."

"Who arranged your housing?"

"A contact of Mother Mary's," Kate replied. "Sister Deidre."

"I _knew_ she couldn't be trusted!" Mother Mary said, throwing her hands in the air. "When I get my hands on Deidre…"

"We need a place to stay," Kate said, a little apologetically. "We could stay on the ship…"

"No, no," Mal groaned, "that won't work at all. You kin stay with us at Parker's Playhouse. There'll be room enough. Or we'll make room fer ya."

"Thank you, Captain Reynolds," Kate said.

"When will you have a place t' live?" Zoë asked.

Kate shook her head. "They weren't able to give us a time estimate."

"Fine. You kin stay with us long as necessary," Mal said. "Right now, though, we're doin' business."

"Oh. Sorry," Kate apologized. "We'll go below. Come on, Mother Mary."

Before they could leave, Simon ran in, obviously distressed. "Jayne, I need help."

"Whaddya need _my_ help fer?" Jayne asked.

"Well, there's some… never mind." He moved to run out again.

"What's goin' on, Doc?" Mal asked.

"It's River…"

Screams broke through the conversation. "Jayne, go help," Mal ordered.

"This way," Simon said, and he and Jayne left quickly.

In the infirmary, where Simon had left his sister, she was sitting on the floor, screaming. Simon had managed to restrain her hands, albeit fairly ineffectually. Jayne could see why – there was a knife on the floor in front of the girl, and she was obviously only moments away from using it on herself yet again.

"Hold her hands, will you?" Simon said, kneeling down in front of River. "Listen to me. Are you with me?"

"_Go away!" _River yelled. "Selfish lying good-for-nothing!" She jerked her hands forward, trying to grab the weapon before her. Jayne kicked it out of the way, and it scuttled along the floor, far from her reach. "I hate you! _Get out of my head!_"

"Shh, shh," Simon said. "It's all right. Nobody's going to hurt you."

"You can't stop me! I'm going to tell on you and you're _never going to hurt me again!"_ She threw herself forward, trying to head-butt Jayne, who held her hands above her head with one hand and grabbed her around the waist with the other, pinning her against the wall. "It's all right, Crazy. Nobody's here t' hurt ya."

Panting, she looked up at Simon and Jayne. "I know who it is," she said.

"What?" Simon asked, not understanding.

"That woman we met today…" Her lucid moment was broken off by another scream. "_It hurts!"_

"What woman d' ya think she means?" Jayne asked Simon. "Wouldn't be… Sergeant _Flavez,_ would it?"

Simon shot him a withering look. "Be serious. How could Jimena be inside River's head?"

"I'm just sayin'…"

"Fire all over, fire in my head, fire in my eyes, fire like lasers burning up my heart…"

"D' ya think it was one of those militia women? What'shername?"

"Charlotte -…"

"Oh, _God!_"

"… or Jillian?" Simon asked.

River threw herself backwards, smashing her head repeatedly into the wall. "River, no!" Simon said.

"_Get out of my head_," the girl begged. "She knows what you're up to and she's not pleased…you're all going to die and it will be _all my fault_…"

Simon moved around until he was sitting behind his sister, blocking her from hitting her head on the wall any longer. "Shh, mei-mei," he said. "It's all right. It'll be all right, I promise."

She threw her head back again, as though she had not recognized Simon sitting behind her, his arms around her waist, holding her to the floor but away from the wall. Her head connected solidly with his chin. "Unh!"

"Whaddya think's wrong, Doc?" Jayne asked, watching the siblings concernedly.

Simon shook his head as his sister struggled against him. "I don't know."

"She hears everything you're saying… turn me into a statue, let me go so I can't tell her what you're doing! Make me blind so she can't see through my eyes! I'm going to scrape out my eyes so you can't hurt me anymore!"

"Oh, River," Simon murmured.

"Jayne, can you get out here a second?" Mal yelled.

"Sure thing!" Jayne replied. "Be back in a sec, Doc."

Simon nodded as the thug exited.

He found Mal and Zoë still in the galley. With them was someone he had not expected to see – Sergeant Flavez. "What's she doin' here?" Not that he minded, of course. Sergeant Flavez was a right cute woman, maybe even pretty.

"Seems Sergeant Flavez has some urgent news," Mal replied, looking at the petite woman.

"Yes, very urgent in fact," Jimena added. "One of my officers, Charlotte DuBois, has absconded."

"Abs-what?"

"Absconded. She perpetrated a shootout only two hours ago at the Snozlund Militia offices, leaving two of our officers dead and our offices destroyed. I have no choice but to believe that she is now working for the other side, and she may have reason to come after you."

"Why d' ya think that?" Mal asked.

Jimena reached into the knapsack she had brought in with her and retrieved a thick sheaf of papers. "If you'll look through these, you'll see that she has outlined several plans for the downfall of the Snozlund Militia and she mentions your ship and crew several times."

"That can't be good," Zoë said, taking the papers from Jimena. "What exactly does it say she's planning?"

"She doesn't say," Jimena answered. "But we have some other disturbing news."

"More disturbin' than the fact that she's after m' crew?" Mal asked.

Jimena nodded, and produced a laminated sheet of paper with a raised seal on it from her knapsack.

"What's that?" Jayne asked.

Jimena held it up. "It is a license from the Snozlund Bureau of Mediums, licensing Charlotte Tess DuBois as a medium for all provinces in Snozlund. This wasn't reported on her application when she signed onto the Snozlund Militia, otherwise we would have put her in a special division."

"A medium?"

"A psychic, basically," Jimena answered. "We have reason to believe she may be using her psychic abilities to disrupt certain broad-wave signals."

It was as though the proverbial light bulb had gone off for Jayne. "That's what Crazy's talkin' 'bout!" he exclaimed. Upon Mal and Zoë's confused looks, he continued, "She says somebody's in her head. If this medium-whatever can disrupt signals, there's a chance she could be in Crazy's head!"

"What can we do t' stop it?" Mal asked Jimena.

Jimena thought for a moment. "D' ya have some foil?"


	11. Of Foil Hats

Chapter Ten: Of Foil Hats

Soundtrack suggestions: "I Want a New Drug" – Huey Lewis and the News, "Catch My Disease" – Ben Lee

* * *

"Kaylee! That stuff yer usin' t' wrap Christmas presents, where is it?"

Kaylee looked up. "Over there." She pointed. "What d' ya want with it…?"

"We've got t' make a hat," Jayne said.

"A _hat?"_

"There's a psychic in Crazy's head, we've got t' block the signal!" Jayne grabbed the roll of gold foil and ran out of the engine room. Confused but interested, Kaylee followed him.

In the infirmary, Simon was still sitting with his back against the wall, his arms around River's waist. His sister had gone limp from exhaustion, and her head was against his shoulder, her eyes open, in obvious pain.

"Got it!" Jayne said to Simon, waving the roll of foil like a baton. The mercenary ripped off a large piece of the foil and began to wrap it into a hat, Kaylee watching him with obvious amusement in her eyes. Once he had crafted something that looked mildly like a cloche (without the rolled brim), he plopped it onto River's head.

"Can you hear me?" Simon asked tentatively.

"Yes."

"Who are we talking to?"

"Who do you think?" she snapped.

"Is it River?"

"What is this, twenty questions?" She sounded irritated.

"Who are we talking to?" Simon repeated, determined not to let the evil medium control his sister any longer than necessary but unsure of who was controlling the brain. Maybe, by putting the foil hat on, they had solidified Charlotte into her brain, leaving the seer no way out.

"Not who you think. The fire is gone, all burnt out. She's running away, faster than fast, trying not to be caught by her shirttails and executed in the center of town."

"Whoa," Kaylee said. Simon gave a half-smile; it was his sister, all right.

"I missed you," he said, and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. She looked at him confusedly.

Mal, Zoë, and Jimena appeared in the doorway. "Did it work?" Mal asked. Jayne nodded. "Good," Mal said. "Now, let's go find this woman and…"

"And what?" Jimena asked, interrupting. "No matter where we track her to, she can probably use her psychic powers against us. I mean, you can't keep that hat on that girl forever."

"Says who?" Jayne demanded.

"I mean, if you want to attend the Snozlund Ball…"

"Ooh, a ball!"

"Hush, Kaylee," Mal said. "Why can't she wear th' hat t' th' ball?"

Jimena held out her hands towards River as though it was obvious. "She looks _ridiculous!"_

"Then she won't go to the ball," Simon said. "We are keeping your crazy medium out of her head, no matter what it takes. Foil hat or whatever else. I don't think she looks ridiculous at all."

Jimena considered that for a moment. "I think she would stick out."

"River doesn't need to go to a ball," Simon replied, looking firmly at Jimena. "We'll stay here."

"On th' cont'ry, Doc, we're movin' out t' Parker's Playhouse. But ya can stay there."

Jimena had been pursing her lips. "I think there's something else."

"What?" Zoë asked.

"We need to find Charlotte as fast as possible, before she does something worse. Is there any chance we could…?" She looked questioningly at River. Simon, grabbing her meaning, shook his head. "_No_. No way are you using River to find this woman."

"It may be our only chance, as she seems to be the only one connected to Charlotte at the moment. Our other mediums in the special ops division of the Snozlund Militia can't get a reading on her at all. She is as elusive as smoke."

"You have to let me," River whispered. "She's going to kill them."

Simon looked at her.

She nodded. "Kill many of them. Everywhere. Ice everywhere, dripping onto bodies covered in too much blood, so much blood everywhere."

"It's the only way, Simon," Jimena said gently. "We'll get some of our other psychics here to help her, but if Charlotte is going to kill again, we have to do everything to stop her."

Within an hour and a half, two other psychics, accompanied by Officer Raymond, had arrived at _Serenity_. One of the psychics, Clarissa, was carrying a map of Snozlund. The other psychic, Bert, had brought a mess of crystals in all sorts of colors and sizes. They met Simon, River, and Jimena in the infirmary.

"This is a good place to do it," Clarissa said, looking strangely at River's hat. Clarissa herself was not older than twenty, with dark blond hair cut chin length, and an angry look about her. "We'll need a place for the reading."

As she spoke, Bert pulled out a large wad of something brown and lit it with a lighter he produced from his pocket. He began to wave the wad around, creating a foul smoke, and chanting in a language Simon didn't recognize. Bert was a moderately tall man with broad shoulders, slightly chubby, with dark curly hair and a ready smile. He wore a red sweater vest with green patterns on it, and looked very festive indeed. When he was finished doing whatever he was doing, he turned to Simon. "Is she ready?"

Simon looked at River, who was lying on the infirmary bed, wearing her foil hat, unconscious. As Jimena had suggested, he had run a tube catheter into a vein in her chest, and connected that to a constant supply of medication that would keep her from going into shock if her heart gave out suddenly, thereby giving them enough time to help her. This, according to Jimena, was entirely probable, and, apparently, had happened many times in her dealings with the special ops division of the Snozlund Militia. "Ready as she'll ever be, I suppose."

"Good. Let's begin," Clarissa said, and lit a thick white candle with Bert's lighter. She closed her eyes and held out her hands. "Great and powerful spirits, we are here to seek your help. We ask in your honorable names that you help us in our quest to find an evil-doer."

Bert rang a small bell. Simon jumped.

"We ask that you help us to find the evil-doer by allowing her into this girl's mind, so that she may speak through this girl."

Bert rang the bell again. Simon jumped again.

"Take her hat off," Clarissa hissed to Simon, her eyes still closed, arms outstretched. He hurried to do so. "Allow the presence of Charlotte Tess DuBois to fill her brain and body, until we can find the evil-doer and stop her in her tracks."

River sat up almost immediately and opened her eyes. The monitor began to shrill a warning, but a quick glance determined that one of her probes had fallen off. Simon stuck it to her chest again. Bert and Clarissa were looking at River anxiously. The girl's eyes were glazed over and it was clear she was not in control any longer.

"Charlotte, where are you?" Clarissa asked. She held up the map of Snozlund for easy access.

River/Charlotte considered that question for a minute. "I don't have to tell you anything."

"Charlotte, _where are you?"_ Clarissa repeated, more fiercely.

River/Charlotte looked at the map, then threw back her head and began to laugh. "You're really off your rocker if you think you can track me! I'm so far away from here; you'll never catch me now!"

"Charlotte, tell us where you are."

Bert took one of his green crystals and made a circle with it around River's head. After he did that, he pulled out another crystal, pink on a thin silver chain, and looped it around her neck. Then he put two silver bracelets on her, one on each wrist, being careful to avoid the bandages on her arms. Then he rang the bell twice. "That should help," he said to Clarissa.

"Charlotte, I'm not going to ask you again."

"Fine, then don't," River/Charlotte said snappishly.

Clarissa looked at Bert for help. Bert shrugged and looked at Simon.

The monitor began to shrill again. Simon looked at it; River's heart was racing. He bit his lips; how much further were they going to go? He wasn't sure how much more River could take.

"The map!" River yelled suddenly, and there was no doubt that it was her speaking, not Charlotte.

Encouraged by this sudden outburst, Clarissa thrust the map at her, holding out a marker. River considered it a moment, then grabbed the marker and drew a small circle around a point on the map. Clarissa took the map and examined it, Bert peering over her shoulder. "Charlotte's in Hays' Market?"

"Is that probable?" Bert asked.

"Only if she wants to be caught."

"What's in Hays' Market?" Simon asked.

"That's where Snodgrass Museum is, home of the Rockport Bones," Clarissa answered. "We can have a team over there within an hour."

"Who's to say she wouldn't already be gone?" Bert asked. "She might know we're on to her. She _is_ a psychic, you know."

"Thanks, Bert, I'd forgotten," Clarissa snapped. Bert hung his head.

"Can we… get the… medium out of her head?" Simon asked, gesturing to her sister. "Before she has a heart attack?"

"Sure, sure, go ahead," Charlotte said dismissively, waving her hand. She and Bert put their heads together, discussing something over the map. Simon put the foil hat back onto River's head and watched as his sister's eyes became a little clearer and her heart slowed. "You with us, mei-mei?"

She nodded. "Arms heavy. Too heavy. Going to fall off."

"Do they hurt?"

She nodded again.

"Okay." He gave her some pain medication through the catheter in her chest. "It'll work in a minute, I promise."

Mal, Jayne, Zoë, and Jimena came back in. "Where is she, Clarissa?" Jimena asked.

"Hays' Market," Clarissa answered, holding up the map to show Jimena.

"Hays' Market," Mal said. "Isn't that where…"

"The Rockport Bones are," Jimena answered for him. "What do you think Charlotte's doing there?"

Bert shrugged. "She could be planning to heist them. Sell them on the black market, make a lot of money, fund her strange and unusual plans."

"That's possible," Jimena conceded. "I guess we should set up surveillance there, catch her in the act."

"Jayne, kin I talk t' ya fer a minute?" Mal asked.

"What fer?" Jayne asked, still looking at Jimena.

"Jayne! _Now_."

Jayne got the message and followed Mal out into the passage. "What is it, Mal?"

"We have a problem."

"What?"

"Well, in case you didn't notice, Sergeant Flavez is going t' set up surveillance at th' place we need to be stealin' things from."

"What d' ya want me t' do 'bout it?"

"I'm thinkin' you should suggest t' Sergeant Flavez that you two go off 'n do somethin' romantic t'gether, give us time t' get th' bones 'n get out."

Jayne's eyes went wide; it was either from shock or happiness. "What… what d' ya want me t' do with her?"

"What d' ya us'lly do with women? Never mind. Do somethin' nice. I don't care. Don't treat her like a whore, though…"

"Mal! Ya don't have t' _tell_ me." He looked through the windows at where Sergeant Flavez was standing. "She ain't a common whore."

"Kin I count on ya t' take care o' her?"

Jayne nodded solemnly. "Sure thing."

"Good. Now, let's get Zoë 'n go over th' plan again…"


	12. Moving In

Chapter Eleven: Moving In

Soundtrack suggestions: "Dare You To Move" – Switchfoot, "She Moved Thru the Fair" – The Fallen Angels

* * *

Parker's Playhouse on Colchester Street had once been a theater for the Snozlund Repertoire Company. The theater group was now defunct, following a horrible production of _Anything Goes_ when Alan Winkle, president of the SPC and the lead in that production, had thrown himself from the balcony to protest lowered wages for all actors. The building had stayed empty for years, until a couple from Cadence, twenty-five miles outside the main city, had bought it and turned it into a hostel, naming it after their dead son, who had met his end in a way not unlike Alan Winkle.

The couple was older now, in their sixties. The woman's name was Marion and the man's name was Peter. They looked like each other in that way that many older couples look like each other – they wore similar styles of clothing, and their hair and eyes had aged together so much as to appear similar. Both had genuine smiles of welcome for their guests.

"Welcome to Parker's Playhouse!" Marion said. "It is our hope you'll be comfortable here. The room assignments are here." She handed Mal several keys.

"Okay," Mal said. "Zoë, Wash, yer in Room 215."

"There seems to be three more of you," Marion said, having finished counting the party.

"Yes, we're terribly sorry t' have brought them along," Zoë explained. "They're passengers without a place t' stay."

"That's right fine," Marion replied, still smiling. "The room with the women-folk in it can easily accommodate three more. It's dormitory-style."

"That would be Room 226," Mal said helpfully. "Kate, you 'n yers will be stayin' there with River, Kaylee, 'n 'Nara. That leaves Jayne 'n Simon 'n me in Room 231."

Simon looked a little fearfully at Jayne. Jayne was looking at Mal and didn't notice.

"Do you need help with your luggage?" Peter asked, looking at the group's belongings. Most of them had only brought one bag; they wouldn't be staying long. The exceptions were Simon, who had brought medical supplies to treat River, and Inara, who had brought three.

"No, we'll be fine. Thanks fer askin'," Mal replied. "Let's go."

"Lift's over there," Marion said helpfully. "Enjoy your stay!"

They went up in two stages – Mal, Zoë, Jayne, Wash, and Kaylee first, then Inara, Simon, River, Kate, Nona, and Mother Mary in the second car. They found their respective rooms. Marion had been right about the room for the "women-folk"; it was long and narrow with rows of beds on either side. But it was bright, thanks to the windows along the far wall, and cheerful, thanks to the brightly-colored quilts on each bed.

"Nice place," Kaylee remarked, dropping her bag on one of the beds. She peered out the window. "And you kin see th' skatin' rink from here! How I love skatin'!"

"I didn't know you could skate, Kaylee," Inara remarked.

"I can't," the mechanic answered cheerfully. "But I've always wanted t' learn."

"It's all right," Kate said from the corner bed she had claimed. "Mother Mary taught us awhile ago."

"Bird can skate?" River asked wonderingly.

Kate shook her head. "No. We usually just push her chair around the rink. But Mother Mary used to be quite the skating champion! Tell them, Mother Mary."

"Was nothin'," Mother Mary remarked. "Back in my heathen days."

"She won the skating medal at the Ariel Games," Kate related.

"Yes, and then I realized my heathenish ways," Mother Mary continued.

"She met her husband Jack, and joined the Followers of the Second Coming," Kate finished. "Lived on Ariel with us until he died, then went back to Seven Skyes."

"You've had a very exciting life, Mother Mary," Inara said with a gentle smile.

Mother Mary clucked her tongue. "A bit more exciting than a follower of the Good Lord should have, I think."

Simon appeared in the doorway. "May I steal River from you for a moment?" he asked the room in general.

"Go ahead, Doc," Inara said, smiling at him.

"Kathryn, I'm going to take Nonny out for a walk," Mother Mary decided. "We'll be back in a bit."

"Keep her warm," Kate said.

"Oh, I will," Mother Mary said. "Let's go, Nonny."

They left. Simon entered the room and came over to where River was sitting on the bed opposite Kaylee. "I need to check your stitches, mei-mei," he said. "Jayne made you a new hat."

"He better not've!" Kaylee exclaimed. "That's m' good foil! I've got more presents t' wrap!"

"I'll buy you another," Simon said. "We need it for River."

Kaylee shook her head dismissively.

"Come on, River," Simon said, and took her gently by the arm, leading her from the room. He took her into the communal bathroom, which was in fact quite large. It had six sinks along one side of the room, and all were sparkling clean. There was a large mirror running the length of the counter. The tile floors were light blue and were also sparkling clean.

Simon had brought in his kit. "Sit down," he told River, gesturing to the counter. She hopped up obediently and sat watching him. He opened his kit and brought out a pair of scissors. He used those to cut open the bandages. He went about his work dedicatedly, cleaning the wounds to prevent infection from growing and then replacing the bandages.

The fingers of her right hand were looped around the catheter running out of her chest. "This is part of me now," she informed him. "It's eating my soul."

"No, it's helping you to stay alive," Simon replied, only a little angrily. He wasn't mad at his sister, he was mad at Bert, Clarissa, and Jimena, who had put his sister through such a rash medical situation. "Don't pull, you'll rip it out and then we'll be in trouble."

She opened her left fist and there, in the middle of her palm, was the locket the Shepherd had sent. "Can I wear this?"

He looked down at the locket. "What is it?"

"Treasure." She let go of the catheter and clicked it open, using her fingernail to jimmy the catch. She held it up by the chain so Simon could see what was inside.

He was, for some reason, surprised. It was two pictures – one of his sister as a little girl on the left side, and a picture of him as a young boy on the other. "Where did you…?"

She shrugged. "Shepherd's treasure." She closed it, then hooked it around her neck, and for some reason, it looked right.

It shook him more than he let on, but he went about the rest of his work as calmly as possible.


	13. Heading for the Ball

Chapter Twelve: Heading for the Ball

Soundtrack suggestions: "Walk Like an Egyptian" – The Bangles, "Amish Paradise" – Weird Al

* * *

Down the hall, Zoë, Mal, Wash, and Jayne were meeting in Zoë and Wash's room, which was the farthest one down the hallway and therefore more private. "Here's the plan," Mal said for about the fourth time. "Jayne will… uh… seduce Sergeant Flavez and somehow get her back t' th' ship, where Wash will be waitin'. Once Jayne has conveniently tied her up er somethin' like that, Wash'll fly th' ship t' meet us at Hays' Market Museum."

"How're we gettin' t' Hays' Market?" Zoë asked.

"Easy. That's where the ball is bein' held. It'll be a piece o' cake fer us t' get on th' tram t' the ball with everybody else."

"There's a _tram?"_

"Sure thing. Jimena told us 'bout it, it'll be the fastest way t' get there."

"Sounds like a good plan, sir," Zoë said. "What time are we leavin'?"

"'Round seven," Mal answered. "Tram leaves at seven-forty-five. Ball starts at eight-fifteen. Zoë, yer goin' with me. 'Nara's got a date, and that just leaves our troublesome duo and the trio of passengers. And Kaylee. And, the crew of _Stoïque_ will be meetin' us there."

"Kaylee kin go with Simon," Jayne suggested. "They've both got th' clothes fer it."

"And River… we could dress her up like a miniature Mother Mary," Zoë suggested. "There's got to be a community o' Followers o' the Second Coming here we could borrow some clothes from. That could help her hide. We could put the foil inside the bonnet," Zoë said, surprised at her own idea.

"Good idea," Mal said to Zoë, nodding. "You get with Mother Mary 'n ask her 'bout the clothes. Jayne, you'd better get plannin' what yer gonna do with Sergeant Flavez."

Jayne nodded. "You bet I've got a plan." He smiled, a bit eerily.

"Sir, you'd best get findin' yer suit fer the ball," Zoë said to Mal.

"We'll meet back here 'round seven," Mal said. "Everybody understand their assignments?"

He was met with three nods.

"Good. Let's move."

Things moved quickly. Mal found his suit for the ball and made sure his holsters would fit underneath. Jayne ordered takeout and bought some "special clothing" from local merchants. Zoë and Inara compared outfits for the ball, and helped Kaylee fix her hair. Zoë also talked to Mother Mary, who was able to call up one of her Followers of the Second Coming friends, Brother Asher, whose teen daughter had left the sect only a few months ago, leaving all her clothing behind. Miraculously, she was almost the same size as River, and Mother Mary managed to use her sewing skills to take them in as was necessary. Surprisingly, Mother Mary didn't ask why they were requiring River to fake being a Follower of the Second Coming. Jayne put foil into the bonnet. Wash put on a fresh shirt and combed his hair, even though he was going nowhere near the ball. Then they all reviewed the plan laid out on the galley table.

"Now, mei-mei, you just do whatever Mother Mary and Kate say, hear me?" Simon asked as he fixed his tie. He had chosen one of his more striking suits, dark gray with a starched white shirt and a burgundy-and-gold tie. His cufflinks were onyx and gold, and his shoes were brightly shined and buffed. He looked very sharp.

River, on the other hand, looked more like a miniature Mother Mary. She wore a light blue long-sleeved dress than fell all the way down to her thick-soled brown shoes. The sleeves covered her bandaged arms, although Simon could do nothing about the wounds on her hands. He had covered them as best he could with skin glue to hold the slices together. The dress's high neck completely covered both the catheter, and the Shepherd's locket, which she had refused to take off. There was the typical star pin at the middle of her collar. Mother Mary had twisted up the younger girl's hair into a heavy bun and settled the foil-lined bonnet over it. "Stay with bird. Not leave."

"Right. What happens if you hear something going on, like a fight?"

"Smack heads?" Simon glared at her, and she reconsidered. "No. Stay with Mother Mary. Good, pretty, moral girl of God, not fighter. No dancing. Stand and take care of bird."

Simon nodded. "That's right." He tried to straighten his tie again. "And what's your name for tonight?"

She thought for a moment. "Sister…"

"Sister Rebecca. You can remember that, can't you?"

She looked at him, wrestling with his tie. "Simon," she said in a very small voice, "are you going to make me hear Charlotte again?"

He looked over at her. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. "Only if it's necessary. And even then, I will make sure it is the last resort for Jimena and her crew."

She tilted her head and smiled a little bit. "You used to love her. She used to light up your world. You were supposed to marry her."

"Sometimes things don't go as planned," Simon said quietly. "You know that."

"You don't love her anymore."

"No, I don't. I have Kaylee now."

"She loves someone else," River said meaningfully, glancing down the hallway. "He thinks he's in control, but she really is."

"Who are you talking about? Jayne?"

Before she could answer, Kate appeared in the doorway. "My, you look handsome," she said to Simon.

"Thank you," Simon answered graciously. He was thinking the same thing about her; she wore a black strapless dress with a teal underskirt and teal flowers embroidered down the front. Her blond hair was done up in a twisted coil. Her eyes were bright, and she looked beautiful.

"Is she ready?" Kate asked, as though River was not in the room. Simon nodded. "Just be careful that she doesn't rip out the tube in her chest."

"Oh," Kate said, as though she hadn't thought of that.

"She probably… won't." Simon turned to his sister. "Remember what we talked about?"

She nodded. "Moral good girl. No fighting. No dancing. Be good."

"That's right." He kissed her on the forehead. "Goodbye, Sister Rebecca," he said, smiling, and she and Kate left.


	14. Jayne's Plan and the Star Garden

Chapter Thirteen: Jayne's Plan & The Star Garden

Soundtrack suggestions: "Stars" – Switchfoot, "Cat's Meow/Partners in Crime" – Joanie Madden

* * *

Kaylee stuck her head into the boys' room. "You ready, Simon?"

"Yes, I think I am," he said, smiling at her. With one final glance in the mirror, he left the room.

Kaylee, Zoë, and Inara were in the hallway. Kaylee was wearing her pink dress with a beautiful shawl that must have been Inara's over it. Zoë was decked out in a bright crimson wool dress with a fake flower the same color in her dark hair, a strand of small green beads around her neck. Anyone who bothered to look would see that she wore substantial boots underneath it, as though she was planning to go hiking (or masterminding a heist). Inara wore a hunter green dress with bright red leaves embroidered about the bodice and hem, with a red sash around her waist. Her hair was done up in a complicated up-do, and she looked very beautiful indeed.

"Wow," Simon said, his mouth almost dropping open.

"Come on, we're gonna be late," Kaylee said, laughing at Simon's shock. She hooked her arm through his, and they all clambered gracefully into the lift to go down to the main floor. Mal was waiting there. "Ya look very nice. All o' ya," Mal said, obviously as stunned as Simon.

Inara smiled at him. "The tram's coming at seven-forty-five, is that right?"

Mal nodded. "Where're ya meetin' yer date?"

"We're meeting at Hays' Market," Inara answered.

"Who're ya goin' with, 'Nara?" Kaylee questioned eagerly.

Inara had to smile. "I'm going with Officer Raymond, the nice man we met today," she answered. "He's the son of the prime minister of Hays' Market and a distinguished server of the Snozlund Militia. Oh, and he won a Sharpman Prize last year for particle physics."

"What, was God not available?" Mal asked sarcastically.

"No, He wasn't," Inara replied gently, smiling.

They left the hostel, Marion waving after them, and walked to the tram stop, which was only a block or so from Parker's Playhouse. The stop, like everything else in Snozlund, was covered in red, green, and gold tinsel, bunting, and wreaths. A light snow was coming down, and sparkled in the streetlights. Kate, Mother Mary, River, and Nona were nowhere to be seen; they must have gone on an earlier tram. They had only waited a few minutes before a tram arrived. It was being driven by an older gentleman in a navy uniform with sparkling silver buttons. "Ya goin' down t' Hays' Market fer the ball?" he asked as though it wasn't obvious, giving them a wink.

"Yes, we are," Mal answered. "Thank ya kindly."

They all boarded the tram and headed for Hays' Market. When they arrived at Crawford Palazzo, where the ball was to be held, forty-five minutes later, they left the tram and the older gentleman behind. Zoë took Mal's elbow. Kaylee took Simon's. Officer Raymond was waiting at the door for Inara, dressed in a dashing tuxedo and a black derby. "Hello, Miss Inara," he said, smiling. "Brought you a corsage."

While he was pinning the sprig of holly berries to Inara's dress rather ineptly, the other two couples entered the foyer and waited for their names to be read off the cards. Of course, Mal had given each of his crew members a fake name, one he thought wouldn't be easily remembered.

"Captain Percy Longshore and his wife, Mrs. Wanda Longshore!" the reader called out as Mal and Zoë entered. Zoë shot Mal a death glare. "_Wanda?"_ she whispered.

"Wash said you looked like a Wanda," he replied sheepishly.

"Dr. Phineas Bogg and his wife, Alice Bogg!" was the cry to which Simon and Kaylee entered.

"Wow!" Kaylee exclaimed softly to Simon. "Will ya look at all this? This is right purty."

Simon was scanning the large room for his sister. He didn't see her, but the room itself was beautiful to look at. The entire building had been carved out of ice, and the ballroom had a high ceiling and stained ice windows. The ballroom was lit with strands of twinkling Christmas lights and arrangements of candles of various sizes and colors, and one very large chandelier suspended from the ceiling with sparkling crystals dripping from it. There were several ice sculptures around the room of famous Snozlund inhabitants. Tables filled with fancy foods and drinks were set up as well, and waiters waltzed about the room carrying shiny silver trays.

"Isn't that Mother Mary over there?" Kaylee asked suddenly, pointing across the room.

There was a woman who did look a lot like Mother Mary at the far side of the room, but she was swigging heartily from a flute of champagne. "Don't the Followers of the Second Coming preach temperance?" Simon asked confusedly.

"I thought so," Kaylee answered, just as confused.

Then Kate appeared next to Mother Mary. Before Simon could get across the room to talk to them, someone had gripped his hand heartily. "Dr. Bogg?"

"Uh, yes?"

"I'm Colin Stringfellow," the man said eagerly, pumping Simon's hand up and down. "I'm really a fan of your early work on mental transmogrification and synapse rewiring. I always thought you were older, though."

"Uh, I get that a lot," Simon answered.

"I thought it was _brilliant_ the way you founded that school to work with young people with advanced mental capabilities!" the young man gushed.

Simon looked at him, horrified. "I did what?"

"You know, the Capon Academy?"

"Thank you so much," Kaylee said smoothly, trying to cover for the odd look her "husband" was giving the young man. "There just aren't enough supporters of our work these days. If you'll excuse us…" She grabbed Simon's elbow and propelled him across the room to Mother Mary and Kate.

"Good, you're here," Kate said. "I can't find… uh… Sister Rebecca."

Simon snapped out of his shock at finding out that his doppelganger had been an evil-doer. "What? You lost my sister?"

"She said she was going to take Nona to get some punch. Then they disappeared."

Mother Mary took a hearty swig from the flute. "This is great!" she exclaimed. "What is it?"

Kate looked strangely at Mother Mary. "Champagne, Mother."

Mother Mary hiccupped. "Couldn't be champagne," she slurred. "Too fruity."

At any other time, this would have been the point where Simon and Kaylee would have laughed. Unfortunately, the fact that River and Nona were missing was no laughing matter. "Where should we look?" Kaylee asked.

"Can I have another?" Mother Mary was asking a waiter. The waiter shrugged, then nodded and handed her another flute.

"How many have you had, Mother?" Kate asked.

"Two? Three? Aww, who knows! It's great stuff!"

Jayne, meanwhile, was waiting in the foyer of the palazzo. He was wearing a long wool overcoat and, frankly, was starting to lose his nerve. Hopefully Jimena would be along quickly and he could move the plan along.

"Jayne?" a voice said from next to him, and he turned. Jimena was standing there.

"Whoa," Jayne said softly, taking in the beauty of the woman next to him.

Jimena had pulled up her hair into a high ponytail and curled the whole thing, so that curls were dripping down her neck to her shoulders. She was wearing a fuchsia dress with black leaves spiraling on it. Her shoes were the same color. And around her neck was the same Celtic cross she'd been wearing earlier. "Hello."

"Hi…" Jayne was stunned. "Nice… to see you."

"Are you ready?" Jimena asked, gesturing to the ballroom doors.

"Actually," Jayne said, "I hoped ya would come with me. I've got a bit o' a surprise fer ya."

"Really?" Jimena's eyes lit up. "How thoughtful of you!"

"It's back on _Serenity_," Jayne explained. "It'll be a bit o' a walk."

"No it won't," Jimena said with a knowing smile. "The tram's just over there. We can take that back to the docks."

They walked down to the tram stop, hand-in-hand, in the softly falling snow. "Jayne," Jimena began earnestly, "I've just wanted to tell you how much I admire you and your crew."

"Uh, they're not _my_…"

"I just think the work you do is so meaningful," Jimena continued.

Jayne almost did a double-take. "The work we do?"

"You know, delivering medicine to sick children? At least, that's what your pilot told me you do."

"Oh! Right. Well, it's good honest work," Jayne said.

"And I think you're very handsome," Jimena told him. "I mean, you are so much better than Simon."

"No arguments here."

"He's just… a pansy," Jimena said. While Jayne didn't think the doctor was "a pansy," based on the last few months and the recent events involving his sister, the compliments from Jimena were going straight to his head. "_You're_ what I want, Jayne. A _real_ man. Someone _strong_ and worthwhile, someone who can fight his own battles."

They were the only ones on the tram, which was good, because they were doing some rather disgusting kissing. They got off at the docks and headed for _Serenity_. The ship was apparently empty. Jayne led Jimena to his bunk.

"Oh, Jayne!" Jimena said, obviously touched. There was a small round table in the center of the bunk with lit candles and plates of hot food on it. "How lovely!"

"Fer ya, m' lady," Jayne said with an exaggerated bow.

"Oh!"

Jayne helped Jimena out of her coat and threw it roguishly across his bed with his own. He pulled out her chair and spread a white cloth napkin in her lap. Then he hurriedly went around the table and sat down in his own chair, putting a napkin in his own lap.

For awhile they ate and talked, and made goggle eyes at each other across the table. Mostly Jimena talked, and Jayne made goggle eyes. Jimena was a fascinating conversationalist, that was for sure, and she had Jayne under her spell, and she moved things along _very_ quickly. The night, at least from the Jayne-is-the-key-part-of-the-plan standpoint, was crashing and burning.

After awhile of waiting upstairs for Jayne's signal, Wash went down the stairs as quietly as possible and looked down the ladder to Jayne's bunk. He was prepared to see many things; he was _not_ prepared to see what he saw.

Jayne was tied to his own bunk. Jimena was standing before the bunk in some sort of leather cat suit – "GAH!" Wash exclaimed, mostly quietly – and carrying a riding crop, which she kept whacking against her hand. "You've been a _very_ bad boy," Jimena said, circling closer to Jayne, close enough to either kiss him or smack him with the crop. She smacked him with the crop. Wash flinched, then hurriedly looked back to make sure he hadn't missed anything important.

"But I _like_ bad boys," Jimena continued, giving Jayne another whack. She leaned in closer, and bit his nose. "Oh, I _like_ them."

Wash flinched again and looked away, laughing too hard. When he looked back, Jimena was sitting on top of Jayne, straddling the larger man. "Now, let's hear some more about this plan," Jimena ordered. She held up the crop as though Jayne needed encouragement.

Wash smacked his forehead with his hand. What had Jayne told her? Was he going to get in trouble? Was the plan _all for naught?_

He needn't have worried, because a _thunk_ from below drew his attention. He looked down just in time to see Jimena, ostensibly unconscious, slide off Jayne's bunk. The man himself sat up, wiped a hand across his nose, and leaned over to pluck something from the pile of his date's clothes. He looked up at Wash. "Got it." He handed the pilot Jimena's walkie-talkie. Wash cracked open the back compartment and drove a screwdriver deep into the works, scrambling it from further usage.

In the bridge, Wash set a course for Hays' Market as Jayne watched. "So, how'd ya get her in ta the cat suit?" Wash asked.

"I'm very skilled at th' art o' flattery," Jayne replied, only a little proudly.

"No denyin' that," Wash agreed. "Cap'n my Cap'n, we are headed fer yer location and should be there within fifteen minutes," he said into his own communication device.

"That's fine, Wash, bring 'er in," Mal replied.

Back at Crawford Palazzo, Simon and Kaylee had almost exhausted the list of places that River would have gone with Nona. "You don't think she went back to the Playhouse, do you?" Simon asked.

"Why would she do that, when she knows we're leavin' day after t' day?" Kaylee asked.

"I'll ask the tram driver if he saw them," Simon said, and hurried down to the stop. The tram was parked, waiting. He knocked on the doors and the driver opened them. "What's that, son?" the driver asked.

"I'm just wondering… have you seen a teenager, Follower of the Second Coming, with a little girl in a wheelchair? Did they get on the tram?"

The older gentleman shook his head. "They didn't get on my tram, son." Then he thought of something. "I _did_ see them, though."

"Where did they go?" Simon asked eagerly.

The driver smiled. "They're 'round back in the Star Garden."

Simon, shivering, followed the driver's directions. The Star Garden apparently was nothing more than an incredibly large ice rink skirted with star-berry bushes and cement benches. Then he chanced to look up, and he realized why the garden had its name – the stars seemed especially close and bright here.

At the far end of the garden, he saw River and Nona. He could hear his sister speaking as he approached. "See the stars, bird? The stars are close enough to touch, to eat, to drink. Someday you'll go back to the stars, and then you'll be able to fly again." There was a pause, in which normally Nona would say something. River nodded as though the girl had spoken, then said gently, "Making people sad is part of life, bird." She was quiet, then continued, "I make lots of people sad, bird." Another pause where Nona could have spoken, and to River, she probably did. River smiled. "Thanks, bird. We will be best friends forever, no matter when you go back to the stars."

Simon didn't have the heart to break into that conversation.


	15. Things That Go Wrong

Chapter Fourteen: Things That Go Wrong

Soundtrack suggestions: "Right to be Wrong" – Joss Stone, "I Wanted to Be Wrong" – REM

**Author's Note:** I twisted a line from "The Village" in this chapter. Cookies to whoever can find it…

* * *

Wash landed the ship at the Hays' Market docks, just a hop, skip, and jump from the Snodgrass Museum, which was also known as the Hays' Market Museum. According to Eddy's plan, the Rockport Bones would be in several crates in the subbasement of the museum, where they were being stored awaiting transport off-world to another museum. Also according to Eddy, there would be only three guards, which should be easy enough to handle with Mal, Jayne, and Zoë there.

Instead, as Wash set down, Jayne could see almost twenty people gathered around the perimeter of the museum, wearing official-looking vests. "Ruttin' hell, what's this?" Jayne wondered.

"Mal?" Wash said into the com unit. "We got a lot o' security."

"Same here," Mal's voice said. "In fact, it's gettin' right hard t' leave th' party. But Doc's missin', so's his sister and the little girl."

"What's the plan?" Wash asked.

"Head fer the back entrance o' th' museum, the one we pointed out on th' plan. Take Jayne with ya; make sure he's got his guns. Be ready – Zoë 'n I'll be there soon enough."

"Over 'n out," Wash said.

Mal discreetly put the com unit back into his pocket. He was standing next to Zoë, who was standing next to Kaylee, who was standing next to Kate. All three women were open-mouthed, probably for two reasons.

The first reason, most likely, was that Mother Mary was in the center of the dance floor with a young man a fraction of her age, who none of them knew or had ever seen before. They were sweeping and swirling around the floor, doing better than some of the older couples out there. Despite the Followers' preaching against dancing, that didn't seem to be hampering Mother Mary's ability to "cut a rug."

The other reason was that Inara and her date, the geeky Officer Jimmy Raymond, were _also_ in the center of the dance floor. And Jimmy, unlike Mother Mary, _couldn't_ dance. He was practically sweating bullets from the effort of moving Inara in a simple box-waltz. The expression on his face was one between pain and… well, greater pain. It was simply hilarious to watch.

"That was Wash," Mal said quietly to Zoë. "He's at the museum with Jayne already."

"Did he take care of the sergeant?"

"Apparently so. Forget t' ask."

"What're we doin'?"

"We gotta find a way outa here," Mal answered. "Here's what we'll do…"

As he began to outline his plan, a gunshot cracked through the ice palazzo. Several people screamed. Most ducked. Some did both. One of the waiters took a flying leap over one of the buffet tables. Mal and Zoë began to reach for their weapons subtly while looking around the large ballroom for the shooter or shooters.

Simon reappeared at that moment. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Doc, stay outa the way," Mal ordered, and gestured with his gun to the floor, where Kaylee and Kate were kneeling. Simon got the gist of Mal's request and knelt next to Kaylee. "You all right?" the doctor asked. Kaylee nodded, her eyes wide. "Where's River?" she asked.

There was a small commotion on either side of the ballroom. At one side appeared Charlotte DuBois. At the other, there was a sudden crush towards the door, but it seemed that someone was coming _in_ rather than going out.

"_Don't move! Ma shang!"_ Charlotte yelled, and everyone froze. Except for the person or persons coming in through the far door, who continued to move in what anyone could have told them was obviously the wrong direction.

Simon watched, eyes wide in horror, as his sister and Nona appeared, apparently done with their talk in the Star Garden. "Oh, no, mei-mei," he murmured. "Go back outside. Go back outside, for me, please." But the foil in her bonnet must have prevented River from hearing his thoughts, because she just kept moving.

"_Ai ya,"_ Zoë muttered.

Kate's eyes had gone wide at first, and then she had squeezed them shut, uttering a prayer for her younger sister. "Mother Mary's God, I know I don't believe in You, but please don't let Nona end up like Aimee, a child caught in between too much violence. Save her soul, please, and I will build You a shrine…"

"Who's Aimee?" Kaylee whispered to Simon, whose eyes were still stuck on River and her "bird" friend.

Charlotte was waving her gun around. "All of you, against the walls! Everybody _bi zui!_" she yelled. People began to move, hurrying to do as the crazy woman asked. "You!" She waved her gun at River.

Apparently River had just figured out what was going on, because she looked up, and her eyes went wide.

"Run, River!" Simon yelled. "Go!

Frozen like a small animal in a corner right before being killed, River turned her head to look at her brother. As she did, the magical foil-lined bonnet fell off.

Simon flinched. "Oh God."

Charlotte obviously knew that the bonnet was just more than the essential fashion accessory for any Follower of the Second Coming female, because she got an eviler smile on her face. "Oh, this will be fun," she said. "Come here."

Simon saw his sister's eyes go glassy, and he started praying as well, right along with Kate.

"Whoa now," Mal said, stepping deftly to the center of the ballroom, coming between Charlotte and River. As he did so, Zoë brought her hands behind her back, and the one not holding her gun motioned in a quick jerk, synchronized with her head, to the left. Obviously she was telling Simon to _move_.

He got the message, and ducked behind one of the buffet tables, where a waiter was lying unconscious, obviously having connected with the icy wall after his leap. Quickly and quietly, he moved to the side of the ballroom, praying he wasn't too late to save both his sister and Kate's.

"Let's just calm down here," Mal continued. "Let's all put our weapons down…"

"Why should I put my weapons down?" Charlotte asked, smiling at Mal. "I have the upper hand, and people who have the upper hand rarely concede."

Mal thought about that for a moment. It was certainly true, but he didn't want to admit defeat, especially to a crazy psychic.

He was saved from answering by nothing short of a miracle.

The ballroom doors behind Charlotte burst open, and five people ran in, all carrying guns, all of their guns directly pointed at Charlotte. Behind Mal, Officer Jimmy Raymond had figured out how to draw his gun from under his suit coat, and pointed it at Charlotte.

"Give it up, DuBois!" one of the people yelled. Mal was surprised to see that it was Jimena. He was _also_ surprised to see that the other four people accompanying her were Wash, Jayne, and the two inept psychics, Clarissa and Bert. He was _more_ surprised to see that both of the inept psychics had guns; he hadn't thought Jimena would trust them with weapons.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jimena demanded, apparently yelling at Jimmy.

"I'm on a _date!"_ Jimmy yelled in return.

"Oh!" Jimena looked embarrassed.

They both retrained their guns on Charlotte. "Drop it!" Jimena repeated.

Charlotte, still with her eerie smile on her face, brought up her hands slowly and dropped her gun.

Mal was looking incredulously at Wash and Jayne. "What are _you_ doing here?" he asked.

"Heard you was in trouble, Cap'n my Cap'n!" Wash answered brightly.

Mal realized what was wrong with this picture. "Wash! What color's your coat?"

Wash looked down at himself. His parka was… pink. "GAH!"

"Oh, yeah. Yer wearin' Crazy's coat," Jayne said offhandedly.

"Why didn't ya tell me a'fore we _left?"_ Wash shrieked.

"Focus!" Zoë barked, obviously intimating that there were more important things to think about than coat color. Which there were.

Simon had reached his sister by this time. Nona was obviously distressed by what was going on; she was wringing her hands passionately and had a very frightened expression on her face. River, on the other hand, had a blank expression on her face. Her arms were hanging at her sides. Simon scooped up the bonnet and looked at it; the foil was gone like smoke into the air, no chance of putting the bonnet back on and preserving her mind. Obviously Charlotte could use her psychic powers for more than controlling minds.

"Mei-mei, listen to me," Simon said in a breathless whisper, "you have to be stronger than this. Fight back, you hear me? _Don't let her in!"_

River gave no sign of listening. In fact, she was taking steps towards Mal and Jimmy, whose backs were to her. Silent, quick, purposeful steps. _Dangerous_ steps. And, based on previous experience, all hell was going to break loose.

Simon looked over at Kate. Kate was obviously still pleading with Mother Mary's God; her eyes were closed. Simon knew he had to save Kate's sister first; Nona was helpless. He grabbed Nona's chair and began to pull her towards Kate. When they reached Kate, Simon motioned to the door behind them. "Get out of here," he whispered to Kate.

"What about you?" she asked.

"Don't worry about me," he answered sharply. "Be glad she's safe. _Go_. Go back to the Playhouse; you'll be safe there."

Kate did as she was told with nary a backwards look.

And _then_ all hell broke loose.


	16. Ending in a Crash

Chapter Fifteen: Ending in a Crash

Soundtrack suggestions: "Milkshake" – Kelis, "Upside Down" – Barenaked Ladies

* * *

River grabbed Jimmy by the back of his suit coat and threw him bodily into a large silver machine that was in the corner. It had a long spike-like implement on the end of it, and Jimmy's head managed to whack into that. A door on the side of the machine swung open, and a white plastic bucket tilted forward, dropping an incredible amount of ice cream and milkshake mix onto Jimmy's head, leaving the poor boy gasping. Those near him heard him say, "Milkshakes are confusing…" before he aspirated chocolate milk and fell unconscious to the floor.

But River wasn't done yet. And, apparently, neither was Charlotte. As all of the ball-goers watched River throw Jimmy headfirst into a milkshake machine, Charlotte reached for another weapon and pointed it at Mal. But Mal wasn't her concern, as River swept his feet out from under him, his head cracking almost sickeningly against the icy floor, and turned on the rest of them.

"_Do_ somethin', Simon!" Kaylee whispered.

"What do you want me to do?" Simon demanded.

"Put her t' sleep?"

"If we let her continue, she might take out Charlotte."

Kaylee obviously hadn't thought of that. But then she said, "Ain't _Charlotte_ the one in River's head?"

Simon hadn't thought of _that_. "Oh. Yeah."

"Hello, pretty," Charlotte said as River approached her. River tilted her head and looked at Charlotte.

"_Do_ something!" Clarissa said to Bert.

"What do you want _me_ to do?" Bert asked.

"Gah! You're _both_ inept!" Jimena yelled.

"I'm not!" Jayne remarked, and fired.

Unfortunately for him, Charlotte fired at the same time.

Unfortunately for Charlotte, someone else fired, too.


	17. Dream a Little Dream

Chapter Sixteen: Dream a Little Dream  
Soundtrack suggestions: "Dreamgirl" – Dave Matthews Band, "Starchild" – Dune

**Author's Note**: I twisted a line from "The X-Files" in this one. Cookies to whoever can find it…

* * *

Icicles fell from the ceiling and shocked, petrified ball-goers ducked for cover, ran, shrieked, and did other various things.

When icy bits had stopped spiraling across the floor, the coast was clear and it was easy to see whose bullets had hit whom.

Jayne's bullet had hit Charlotte.

Charlotte's bullet had hit Jayne.

And Kate's bullet had hit Charlotte dead on... no pun intended.

* * *

In the aftermath of the ball, several things happened:

Jimmy Raymond was pronounced dead at the scene by several medics who were apparently part of the Snozlund Militia Rescue Team. The cause of death was ruled "milkshake aspiration." Because Jimmy was "one of them," the militiamen all took off their helmets and sang the Snozlund Militia's song, which was to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen." It was a rather odd but somehow touching tribute. The milkshake machine was wiped down by a waiter, who somehow managed to do it without gagging.

Jayne managed to plop a foil hat onto River's head before River could kill him, Wash, Jimena, or the two inept psychics, not that anyone would have missed Clarissa or Bert. While it didn't make River any more coherent or lucid, it removed Charlotte – now the ghost formerly known as Charlotte – from her head until a more permanent solution could be found. Simon uttered the safe phrase, and River dropped to the floor, helpless and no longer a killing machine, to be carried back to the Playhouse for further medical attention and to be redressed in something other than Followers of the Second Coming clothes.

Mal got up, groggily, assisted by Wash and Zoë. He was fine, just a bit sore.

Inara started crying for the loss of her date. That led Kaylee to cry, because Kaylee was a sympathetic crier. Plus, the loss of Officer Raymond was truly sad.

Charlotte's body, as it lay on the floor, suddenly combusted into ashes. "What the hell was that?" Bert asked.

"It's not the first case of spontaneous combustion we've seen," Clarissa said.

"I wonder if we'll ever figure out why…" Bert mused.

"Someday, Bert. The truth's out there," Clarissa answered.

Everyone besides _Serenity_'s crew and those involved in the shootout – namely Kate – was evacuated from the palazzo. Mother Mary, who had collapsed drunkenly on the floor, was scooped up by the Militia's Rescue Team to be taken back to the Playhouse.

Nona had been left in the foyer by Kate. When Kate was released by the police half an hour after statements had been taken, she found her younger sister sitting peacefully in her chair, her eyes closed, no longer breathing, a sweet smile on her face. As River would say later, groggily, as Simon worked on her arms and removed the chest catheter, "Bird went to the stars. Bird is a star girl now."


	18. Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Chapter Seventeen: Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Soundtrack suggestions: "SD-6 Dance Party" – Michael Giacchino, "This is How a Heart Breaks" – Rob Thomas

* * *

"I think you've got some explainin' t' do," Mal said as he held an ice pack to his head.

Kate, who was seated on the bed in the women's dormitory at Parker's Playhouse, looked up at him as though she couldn't believe he was making this request. Her sister's body was, after all, in the Hays' Market morgue, and her beloved guardian was in Snozlund General Hospital with a bad case of champagne poisoning. "What do you want me to explain, Captain Reynolds?" she asked tiredly.

"Fer starters, why'd ya have a gun? Why did ya come back when Doc told ya t' leave? What did ya think ya could do?"

"Well, apparently, I killed the bad guy in this situation, so I think I could say I've done more than anyone else did."

"Where did ya get the gun?" Mal asked.

"It's my gun," Kate replied.

Mal looked at Zoë, confused. Luckily for him, explanations weren't that far behind.

"In a former life, I was a spy for the District Seven Espionage Battalion," Kate continued. "I worked on Nellia, undercover, following a drug lord called Lizard. Stupid name, stupid career… he was a jerk.

"But I fell in love with Lizard, and we got married. And we had a child, Aimee, who was the light and love of my life. Guess you could say I violated the first rule of spying – don't fall in love with your target.

"Everything was going fine with Lizard until one day one of his contacts, Spider, turned angry and came looking for his payment. Lizard was home with Aimee; I was out somewhere. Spider went into a rage and killed both of them.

"When I came home and found my child dead, I went into shock. I don't remember what happened next; all I remember is being picked up at the Nellia Hospital by Mother Mary and her husband Goodman Jack. They turned in my resignation to District Seven and brought me home to care for me the way they cared for Nona until Jack died, and I was forced to care for them both."

At the mention of her sister, Kate started to cry again.

"'S all right," Mal said awkwardly, patting her on the shoulder. "Thank ya for bein' honest."

Kate looked up through her tears. "Where am I supposed to go, Captain Reynolds? My sister was my life… the same way my child was my life. And now I've lost them both in less than ten years."

Zoë fielded that. "You pick up the pieces and you go back to a place where you can start over."

"There isn't anywhere for me to start over," Kate said sadly. "Everywhere I've gone, destruction and death has followed."

"Then that leaves me with one question," Mal said. Kate looked up at him. "Where d' ya wanna go?"

* * *

"What do you _mean_, you have to _leave_ me here?" Jimena demanded, pummeling Jayne with one of her hands. "You can't _leave_ me here!"

"Sorry, babe," Jayne said. "We've got work t' do."

"Are you ever coming back?" Jimena asked, managing to imply that if he didn't, there would be trouble.

"Of course! Why not?"

"I've got a perfectly good cat suit…" she tempted.

He kissed her on the forehead. "I'll be back 'fore ya kin spit, darlin'."

"You better," she said warningly. "I _do_ run a Militia; I can track you anywhere."

"Of course you can."


	19. A Shrine to the Blind

Chapter Eighteen: A Shrine to the Blind

Soundtrack suggestions: anything Trans-Siberian Orchestra, "The Blind Harper" – Kate Rusby, "Memory" - Sugarcult

* * *

Kate stepped into the small shrine, tears in her eyes. It was a simple memorial; two small statues rested on a cement ledge underneath an overhang strung with twinkle lights. It was in a long line of shrines along Widget Alley, a back street in Cadence where it was perfectly acceptable to erect shrines, thanks to new legislation forbidding the placement of explosives anywhere near a shrine, solving the problems that had plagued Snozlund's pagan worshippers for decades. One statue was Crickit, the protector goddess of lost children. The other statue was Alliy, father-like god of the family. Candles encircled both statues, red glass covers shielding the flames from the wind, and a pot of ever-growing holly sat in between them. Inscribed above each statue was the pertinent informationabout the two children who had gone to become "star girls," and a picture of each. "Goodbye," Kate whispered, touching each picture in turn. "I will miss you."

"Kathryn," Mother Mary said gently, putting her hand on Kate's shoulder, "it's time to go."

"It always is," Kate said, and turned to leave the shrine.

She didn't see the two little girls sitting on the ledge, holding hands and watching her leave with smiles on their faces, but River did. But, remembering her lecture from Kaylee about saying "_nice_ stuff," she said nothing, but waved goodbye to her bird-girl friend, who waved back with a smile, for now she was free.

* * *

They celebrated Christmas in the black under a small tree Kaylee had bought on Snozlund. Everyone got gifts, true to Simon's statements about everyone receiving something at Christmas. Even Mal received a few things – a new holster from Kaylee, some chocolates from Zoë and Wash, a hat from Jayne (really from Jayne's ma), and a book of philosophy from Simon, who said River had chipped in. He didn't elude as to _what_ River had chipped in, as the book was free of pen markings.

After Christmas dinner had been eaten, Zoë pulled Mal into a corner. "Sir, ya know we didn't get the cargo."

Mal looked as though he'd forgotten that. "Aww…"

"There's a wave fer ya, "Jayne said, interrupting. "It's Ol' Snakebite Cider."

Mal looked as though he was going to jump out the hatch.

"You best go talk t' him, sir, explain things," Zoë suggested.

With a heavy heart, Mal went up to the screen. Eddy was smiling at him. "Merry Christmas, Malcolm!"

"Merry Christmas, I a' spose, Eddy," Mal said grimly.

"Lemme guess," Eddy said broadly. "You didn't steal the Rockport Bones."

"How did ya know?"

Eddy shrugged. "Could be th' news that's all over th' 'verse, talkin' 'bout a right righteous fight that went down at Snozlund's annual Christmas ball. Somethin' tells me ya weren't able t' get outa there with cargo."

"No, we weren't," Mal replied.

Eddy threw back his head and laughed. Mal was confused. "What're ya laughin' fer? I failed ya and yer client, Eddy!"

Eddy wiped some tears of laughter from his eyes. "M' client. That's a good 'un!"

Mal slowly understood that there was something very wrong with either him, or Eddy. His bet lay with Eddy. "Eddy, what in the ruttin' hell are ya talkin' 'bout?"

Eddy finished laughing. "Mal, there was no client."

Mal took this with some shock. "No client? No job? Ya mean we just wasted fuel 'n supplies gettin' us t' Snozlund fer… what?"

"A vacation," Eddy said.

"What in the hell are ya talkin' 'bout?"

"I bet m' wife ya wouldn't take a vacation," Eddy said. "It was a no-holds-barred sorta bet. Talk t' ya later, Mal. Got a job comin' up fer ya in the next couple 'a weeks."

Mal was still looking at Eddy's image with horror when Zoë and Wash came in. "What's wrong, Cap'n my Cap'n?"

"It was a _bet_," Mal said slowly. "He bet his _wife_ that we wouldn't take a _vacation_."

"Vacation?" Zoë asked.

Wash began to tick things off on his hands. "Picked up some strange passengers, almost died, River killed a guy, Jayne bought a cat suit… sounds like a vacation t' me." He threw back his head and began to laugh. Zoë joined him.

Mal had a feeling he was the only one who didn't get the joke. After all, it had been played on him.

* * *

"Mei-mei, there's still something I don't understand," Simon said as he finished wrapping River's wounds in bandages that night. "How did the Shepherd have those pictures of us that are in the locket?"

She shook her head. "Silly. I am not only memories in the mind."

"_You_ put the pictures in?"

"Who else?" She smiled. "Shepherd only sends treasure; it is what you do with it that changes things."

"And what is that verse he wrote?"

"Proverbs 3:3. A beloved verse by many, especially Shepherds. 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength,'" she recited. Upon his confused look, she smiled and said, "I am only a moral good girl of God. Sister Rebecca, they call me."

"Well, _Sister Rebecca_," Simon said, returning her smile, "you are all wrapped up and good to go. Behave yourself."

She left to go to bed, and he cleaned up. Kaylee appeared in the doorway. "Simon," she wheedled, "it's bed time. Come on."

He gave her a lascivious grin. "Let me just check on River, make sure she's all right."

"She's _fine_, I just passed her," Kaylee said.

"I know… I just worry. I'll be right there," he promised. "You… go… get ready."

She grinned, clearly getting his meaning. She disappeared.

He switched off the infirmary lights and walked slowly down the hallway to River's bunk. The light was still on, so he knocked. "River? You asleep?"

There was no answer. Concerned, he opened the door. She was sitting with her legs crossed on the bed. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, but her eyes were closed.

Now even more concerned, he moved into the bunk quickly. "What's wrong?"

She opened her eyes, and he felt as though a bag of sand had whacked him in the stomach. "Everything is black," she said weakly.

Her eyes were cloudy.

His sister was blind.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Dun dun DUN... what will happen next? Stay tuned for the third epic! 


End file.
